Challenging misconceptions


For me, the biggest misconception around D/s and/or kink is probably a result of the 50 Shades thing. It’s the perception that it’s all about the Dominant and their needs and wants, and their ability to inflict pain on the submissive while forcing them to perform whatever sexual act the Dominant desires.

This is, of course, utter bullshit.

If it’s one thing I’ve said to the point of being blue in the face (and crimson in the arse cheeks) it’s that a D/s relationship is, first and foremost, a relationship. For it to work, there has to be trust and respect on both sides. I get how, if the only experience of D/s you have is through porn or from “literature” such as 50 Shades, you might come to the above conclusion that it’s all pain and punishment and forced sex (and, indeed, if that’s a particular couple’s dynamic, then great), but beneath it there has to be trust and respect, there has to be an understanding on the part of both the Dominant and the submissive, of the other’s needs, wants, desires, tastes and, possibly most important, their limits.

I’ve written before about how pain and discipline ground and centre me. I have written about the fact that the discipline that Master C issues allows me to grow and be a better person. I’ve written about how a thorough thrashing and (almost brutal) fucking can help restore me. All of these things are true.  Pain is kind of my thing. I use it both emotionally and sexually. Master C knows this and He uses this knowledge appropriately within our dynamic, not because He particularly wants to hurt me, but because He knows that I am open to it, enjoy it and, in many respects, need it.

There is also the misconception that it is only the Dominant’s sexual needs that are getting met. Again, this is nonsense.

Within our dynamic, Master C regularly “requires” me to suck His cock. Within our dynamic, He often decides that it is my arse that should be fucked. Within the “role-play” element of our dynamic there (if that is all someone observed), Master C orders me to suck Him, or to commands me to take it in the arse from Him but the simple truth is, I do it, and I allow Him to do it to me because I love sucking cock (any cock, but especially Master C’s) and I love getting fucked in the arse as much as I love getting fucked in the cunt, and I love getting fucked in the throat. It may be rough, it may to an outside observer look forced on occasion, but it is always consensual and always mutually satisfying. Even when Master C is denying me the release of orgasm, I know that, at some point, He will relent. Also, if I’m being completely honest, sometimes the masochist in me actually really enjoys the frustration of being left high and dry just on the brink; it’s simply another kind of satisfaction.

The final thing for me is the perception that the Dominant must always humiliate the submissive. Now, for me, humiliation is a big thing, it is something I get off on in a big way. Humiliation can take many forms. It can be the derogatory names Master C calls me when He fucks me or thrashes me. It can be when He decides to shower His cum over my face. It can be being made to stand quietly in the corner while I have to watch Master C pleasure or be pleasured by another woman. It can be the humiliation of being out in public with His cum dried on my skin.

From the outside, this may look like it’s entirely a one way thing; that Master C is getting all the benefits but the simple truth is that it is ticking so many of my boxes and Master C is only really inflicting these humiliations on me because He knows how much I enjoy them and get turned on by them and, particularly in the aftermath of public humiliations, the sex that follows will be next level fucking.

The misconception in all this is that, as the submissive, I am the one that is having things done to me and that I am an unwilling participant and simply have to endure what is being done. The reality is that I am fully onboard and absolutely ready, willing and able and I love the things Master C does to and with me.

Erotic Journal Challenge Blogging Meme

9 thoughts on “Challenging misconceptions

  1. Christian_who April 1, 2021 / 11:21 am

    You are just a very special and wonderful woman. I love you.

    Like

  2. rugbymilf April 1, 2021 / 5:11 pm

    Absolutely true! Preach it! Xx

    Like

  3. Brigit Delaney April 2, 2021 / 2:12 pm

    There are so many misconceptions surrounding D/s and BDSM, in general. I definitely blame porn, movies, and books for this. Though, to be honest, books and movies are the things the brought me to it. I guess what all people need to realize is that there is never one way to be anything, and that any story only scratches the surface of the possibilities. We are complex creatures with complex needs. And D/s really embodies this complexity, bringing those needs to light.

    Like

  4. Mòrag April 3, 2021 / 10:07 am

    Awww, than you.

    Like

  5. Mòrag April 3, 2021 / 10:09 am

    It’s like so many things; it’s a form of expression for channelling what works (and sometimes what doesn’t).

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Mòrag April 3, 2021 / 10:14 am

    Exactly this. I think a lot of people think it’s all bondage and punishment and rough, but a lot of the time, in our dynamic at least, the sex looks exactly the same as non-D/s, non-kink sex. D/s and/or kink is just a wrapper, and the sex can be either wrapped or unwrapped and still be great.

    Like

  7. Marie Rebelle April 3, 2021 / 8:43 pm

    Where I too think Fifty Shades has brought many misconceptions about D/s to the table, it did open up the discussion about it, and gave people the courage to start exploring. Great post, and I nodded as I read from beginning to end 🙂
    ~ Marie

    Like

  8. Mòrag April 4, 2021 / 3:42 pm

    I’ll admit that I am conflicted about it. I can’t deny that it has made people more open and able to talk about kink but I think the depictions feed the idea that the submissive partner is also the passive partner and has to endure what is being done to them, rather than them being a fully involved and engaged participant.

    Like

  9. Brigit Delaney April 7, 2021 / 8:55 pm

    That is a great way to describe it…the wrapper.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.