Facial hair


I’ll be perfectly honest; much as I have a fondness for the hairy, rugged male, I can take or leave facial hair. If I had to choose, irrevocably, one or the other, I would choose to leave it.

I can live, quite happily, with a certain amount of stubble, even if it is a bit rough on the skin, but beards don’t really do it for me.

When I’m kissing a guy, I like to be able to get at his lips. In the same way that when I am sucking a guy off, I do appreciate a certain tidiness, the same goes, even more so, with facial hair.

I appreciate that, unless a guy shaves daily, the chances are that he’s never going to be completely smooth. Even Master C, who despite being bodily hairy, doesn’t have much in the way of facial follicles, is still quite prickly within a few hours of his last shave.  It’s just one of those things we women have to put up with.

But, and it is a huge BUT, one aspect of sex that I believe is definitely enhanced by a degree of roughness; I love the extra sensation a couple of days worth of growth gives my clit and my labia when a man goes down on me. That extra bristliness just gives it that extra fillip, that little extra edge, that touch more sensation that makes it all the more pleasurable for me.

Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to cunnilingus, so long as the practitioner is suitably adept at performing the task, I’ll take it anyway I can get it. In much the same way that I love it when another woman eats my cunt, I won’t let the fact that a guy is freshly shave put me off. If, on the other hand (or should that be lip?) he does happen to be sporting a few days’ growth, then HEAVEN

So, beards, not really a big fan (sorry all my beardy followers), but stubble, hell yeah; just let me get out of my uncomfortably damp knickers and get your face between my thighs.

#MasturbationMonday

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So long as they have a face…


…I will always have a place to sit.

Make no bones about it, I love having a partner’s tongue between my labia and on my clit, particularly if it is the tongue belonging to Master C. It doesn’t matter whether the other person is face down between my thighs or if I’m kneeling astride their face, the feeling of a tongue and mouth on my cunt is something I will never get too much of.

The risks of me accidentally breaking their nose or of me suffocating the partner in question and depriving myself of their tongue aside, there are good reasons from a purely practical perspective why sitting on a partner’s face is such a convenient position.

For a start, if I’m sucking a man off, once he’s blown his load in my mouth, I can simply just move up his body, straddle his head, lower myself on to his mouth and have him return the compliment.

Alternatively, when I’m on top, fucking him, riding his cock with abandon, it may be that he’s overheating while I still have a way to go. Again, it is so much easier for me to just slide off his cock, move up the bed, plant my cunt on his mouth and have him redress the balance before moving back down and reimpaling myself on him.

Sometimes, if I’m facing in the other direction, while he is mid feast, I can lean forward and either play with his cock with my hands, or take him into my mouth and reciprocate. I mean, let’s be honest,  69s aren’t particularly practical, but they can be fun every now and then. With Master C being at least 6″ taller than me, a 69 is much easier with me on top than it is with Him.

When I’m sitting on  Master C’s or “The Other Guy’s” face, they can reach up and play with my boobs as they lick me. They can finger either of my holes as their tongue lashes my clit. What’s more, by moving my weight around, I can directly control the pressure their tongue applies, giving me exactly the stimulation I want at that particular moment.

The same can be said when I’m having sex with “The Girl”. I’ve sat on her face, she has sat on mine. When we 69, as I am the taller of the two of us, she frequently goes on top.

It’s a very practical position and, as anyone who has ever gone down on a woman will know, it’s actually a lot less uncomfortable for the licker, in terms of not giving yourself a cricked neck, than burying yourself face down between her thighs is.

So, let’s hear it for face-sitting. I don’t care if I’m never going to be able to sell videos of me doing it, or having it done to me, I’m going to go right on enjoying it every chance I have.

#MasturbationMonday The Oral Sex Project

Tongue lashings


As with all things sex, the range of talents displayed in the performance of cunnilingus range from “Was that it?” To “Oh God! Oh my fucking God! Oh fuck! OH FUCK! Yes! YES! FUCKING YESSSS!” Some rush at it, some luxuriate in it. I’m probably going to shatter a well held belief here; but in my opinion, women are not inherently better than men. Yes, I know I have a cunt and I know how it likes to be treated, but that’s just it; I know how my cunt likes to be treated. A woman going down on me for the first time has no more knowledge or experience of the way I like to be licked than a man in that same position does. Anyway, I digress…

In a way, I was lucky. I had about 18 months or so of “oral only” relationships before I lost my virginity. I discovered very quickly that one way of ensuring I was on the receiving end of some pretty good cunnilingus was to have the guy go down on me first. Suck the guy off first and he pretty much lost interest as soon as he’d blown his load in my mouth, but promising him a blow-job after he’d seen to my needs always seemed to make a guy raise his game. He didn’t have to make me come, although nine times out of ten I would, but he did have to make an effort to pleasure me. My mouth was going nowhere his cock until I was thoroughly eaten out. The guys I went with at this stage quickly learned that the way to my mouth was through my cunt.

It was one particularly intense tongue lashing that led to me reward the guy in question by letting him take my virginity. He had always had a particular talent (it’s not generally a talent you associate with the teenage male, but he knew the more he put into his efforts, the more rewarding it would be for him). He knew how to take me slowly to boiling point and then keep me there. He knew when “Please, no more!” meant “Don’t even think about stopping!” and when it actually meant I really couldn’t take any more. And on that perfect late summer afternoon during half-term, a few weeks after my 16th birthday, having licked me and fingered me into a quivering mess of hot, sweaty, over-climaxed Morag, I begged him to fuck me; and fuck me he did.

In a similar way, Master C is one of those men that luxuriates in going down on a woman. For Him it is never a something to be performed perfunctorily, to be got out of the way quickly before moving on to the main event. For Master C, performing cunnilingus is an event in its own right. When He’s going down on me, that is what Master C is concentrating on. He’s licking me, teasing me, turning me on, taking me to the precipice again and again before, finally letting me come. Sometimes Master C can have me coming in virtually no time at all; at other times He can keep me on the edge for what seems like forever. Sometimes He’ll deliver a series of shudderingly sharp climaxes, at other times Master C builds me up gradually to one powerful finalé that leaves me utterly drained.

As I said, I’ve been extremely fortunate. I’ve known a couple of men who, like Master C and “The Other Guy”, put their heart and soul into the performance of cunnilingus; men who really know how to use their tongues to maximise the pleasure they give; men who take their pleasure from knowing how much I enjoy what their mouths are doing to me.

Most men know how to use their cocks, but a man who also knows how to use their tongue is truly special.

#MasturbationMonday The Oral Sex Project

The taste of a woman


I can’t deny it. Ever since the very first time I tasted another woman’s cunt, I have been in love, not just with that particular flavour, but with the whole experience of going down on another woman.

There is something so very beautiful about being between another woman’s legs as she opens up for me, as I run my tongue along and between her labia, tasting her and sharing her pleasure.

I love sensing her warmth as I approach. I love the scent of her sex. I love how she reacts as I bring my lips to hers and part them with my tongue; her reactions, so similar to my own and yet so unique as well.

And then there is the flavour of her on my tongue; and the way it changes, becoming richer as her arousal mounts.

I love the lingering taste of her on my lips, long after we’ve finished, parted, returned to our own lives; a sweet memory of the experience.

There is something so intensely intimate about putting my mouth to an other woman’s most sensitive flesh that has, in my opinion, no direct equivalent when I am with a man; even when I am sucking his cock.

When I lick another woman, she is sharing something of herself with me; not just those lovely rich juices that flow so readily from her, but something almost spiritual that I can’t quite explain. In the moment of her release, as her essence floods over my tongue, coating my lips, covering the lower half of my face, I feel a part of her in a way that I never feel when I am “joined” with a man at the moment of his particular rapture. I’m not a religious person, but for me, that moment when my tongue drives her over the edge, and she coms hard against my mouth, is something akin to a spiritual experience.

Yes, I love the taste of a woman.

#MasturbationMonday The Oral Sex Project

Head to head


There is a popular belief that when it comes to going down on a woman, those of us of a female persuasion are better than it than men. The theory seems to be that because we women have our own cunts and clits, and know how we like to have them treated, that this, somehow gives us some innate instinct or knowledge of how another woman will want her pleasure spots treated.

This argument is, of course, a complete load of bollocks.

If it were true, then on meeting a woman for the first time, not only would I know all of her turn-ons and desires, I’d also instinctively know what kind of films she likes, her favourite takeaway food and how many sugars she takes in her coffee. Clearly, this is not the case.

All of those examples are matters of personal taste and choice, and the way we women like to have another person go down on us is no different.

In truth, there is only one woman for whom I can say unequivocally and with absolutely certainly as to how she wants her cunt and clit licked, and that woman is me. And given how, depending on my mood, I want it treated in different ways, what chance have I got of knowing exactly what any potential recipient of my attentions is going to want,or vice versa for that matter?

I will let you into a little secret; I cheat…

How?

Actually, very simply…

You see, unless we both go instantly into a 69, one of us has to go first. Whenever I’m with a woman for the first time, I try to arrange thing so that I go second. Why this approach? Well based on the earlier logic, the chances are pretty good that, with nothing else to go on, the things she does to me will, in all likelihood, be the kind of things that she herself enjoys. Now that may seem a little bit contrived, but if she enjoys the experience and thinks I’m a fantastic fuck, then does it really matter?

I have adopted this technique on any number of occasions, and it has never failed me. It doesn’t give me a complete picture of her wants and desires, but it gives me a very good starting point.

Now, I love having my cunt licked out; it makes no difference to me if the person doing the licking is male or female. While I don’t believe one gender is better at going down than another, there are differences to the approaches of men and women .

Its a bit of a generalisation, but men tend to be a bit rougher, a bit harder, more intently focussed on getting us off. Maybe it’s because, in the main, men tend to come more quickly than us women. Women tend to be softer and slower. If there is one advantage a woman has, simply through being a woman, it’s that we know our sexual response is generally slower than that of men, so we tend to take our time more. Another reason is that, for a lot of men, cunnilingus is often a prelude to him sticking his cock in us, whereas for us women, it’s the full thing.

That’s not to say women can’t be rough, and that men can’t take it slowly, because they can. Master C and “The Other Guy” will often spend ages pleasuring me with their mouths; one because they enjoy it for itself, and two, because, through experience, they both know my sexual needs, tastes and moods.

For me, while there are differences in technique between the sexes, there are just as many differences between one member of a particular sex and another, and it is those differences that make it so enjoyable. Master C is great with His tongue, but so are both “The Girl” and “The Other Guy”. Their techniques are different, but they can all turn me into a quivering, orgasmic mess; and that, at the end of the day, is the main thing a womaa really wants from getting her cunt licked

#MasturbationMonday The Oral Sex Project Food For Thought Friday - #F4TFriday

It’s not just about cock


I don’t claim to speak on behalf of the female population at large, but as I see things, there are four important parts of his body that a man should use when it comes to satisfying us women.  The more of these he can apply, the more satisfying any given sexual encounter is likely to be for us members of the fairer sex; and keeping us satisfied is, of course, the primary duty of those rugged, hairy beasts we choose to give our bodies to.

I suppose I could have also included the face as a fifth, since looks, and indeed physical attraction as a whole is, often the starting point; without attraction, sex isn’t likely to happen and the rest becomes academic. Also, attractiveness is important to blokes too. Furthermore, it’s almost impossible to quantify. Beauty is, as they say, only skin deep and very much in the eye of the beholder.

So, without any further ado, and in no particular order, I give you my essential men’s’ naughty bits.

1. Brain
So it’s a commonly held belief that men don’t have enough blood to supply both ends of their bodies but, to be honest, we women can be just as bad. The brain is often overlooked as a sexual organ but it is responsible for intelligence, wit, charm, attentiveness, creativeness and experimentation; all things that we women appreciate. Granted, depending on our mood, or what we’re looking for, the relative importance of each of the above elements will vary in relation to each other. In some cases, eg, in the case of a drunken, one night fumble, their importance may seem to vanish altogether but, at some subconscious level, they are still there. The simple fact is, you need to engage our minds before you will ever get the chance to engage any other part of our anatomy.

2. Mouth
Possibly the most versatile of the sexual organs in that it can be used in so many ways.

First, you can use it to tell us how good we look and how sexy we are (hint: you can never do this too often). You can tell us what you intend to do to us. You can ask us what we like (no, really, you can actually do this…). You can also moan and murmur with pleasure as we unleash our talents on you, letting us know how much you are enjoying our attentions. Believe it or not, some of us do like to be told even though it’s generally pretty obvious. Comparisons with exes (and/or other current partners for the benefit of the polyamorous) can sometimes be welcome, but only where favourable. When I’ve got my lips wrapped around your cock, the last thing I want to hear is that I’m almost as good as so-and-so, so if we aren’t actually the best you’ve ever had, either learn to lie (you’re guys and it’s sex we’re talking about after all so it should come naturally to you), or keep it zipped.

Second, there’s kissing. Be it soft, loving and tender, or rough and frantic, we love to be kissed, anywhere and everywhere. No part of our body is immune to touch of your lips. Sometimes, a good passionate snog is all we need (especially when our location means that getting naked and getting down to it would probably get us arrested). Kisses can be a simple show of affection or the can be a way of keeping us simmering until a more suitable time and appropriate location for more full on action presents itself.

Thirdly, there’s the tongue. It’s often been said that the only people who really know how to go down on a women are other women. While it may be true that, as women, we know how we like our cunts to be treated and so, as a result, we tend to go down on other women the way we would like them to go down on us, whereas guys tend to be a little more direct in their approach, I’ve always found that, with sufficient practice and familiarity with what the woman in question likes, men can be every bit as good. Different, yes, but just as satisfying. The key thing is, if you are uncertain, ask, don’t guess. We women are pretty good at telling you what we want when it comes to everything else and sex is no different. Most of us will appreciate such a show of consideration and attentiveness and it will almost definitely be rewarded.

3. Hands
Touch is very important. Whether it be fleeting contacts, gentle caresses through to sensual massage, or full body contact, we are tactile creatures and respond as such.

Of course, it’s not just the hands and fingers; hugs are equally important when it comes to making us feel wanted and appreciated. I’m getting a bit ahead of myself, but in my opinion, the post-coital cuddle is almost as an important part of the sexual experience as the act itself. That extended moment of shared closeness, both partners bathed in the warm glow of their exertions as their bodies slowly come down from their respective sexual highs is, for me anyway, as satisfying as any orgasm.

Of course, living as we do in this digital age, the fingers can be involved in another sexual activity: the naughty text/IM/email. For me, many sessions have began hours before there is any physical contact with a partner sending me flirtatious texts, each one getting that little more explicit than the last. By the time we actually get together, the anticipation is often so intense that no foreplay is actually necessary; I’m literally ready to do them on sight.

Clearly, this may not work for everyone, but if your partner is amiable to such things, try it, the results may be surprising.

4. Cock
Yes, so finally we get there, the “main event”. I think there’s a lot of truth to the adage about it not being what you’ve got but how well you use it. For me, a nice length is between 5½” and 7½”, but so long as I can feel it going in, I’m happy. If it really has to be ‘big’ I prefer thicker to longer.

The worst shag I ever had was with a guy who had a bigger than average cock. I think he was more concerned that I should be impressed with his size rather than his ability. In the end, it hurt and was all over very quickly. It may have been good for him, but it did next to nothing for me.

In an ideal world, I’d take size and technique (actually, I have that with Master C) but, failing that, I’ll settle for ability. Size on its own just doesn’t do it for me.

That said, however, it’s important that it isn’t just your cock that you are using. The reality is, for best results (for the woman anyway), the cock has to be used in conjunction with all of the others. I know, when you’re plunging into the warm wet confines of her cunt, or she has her lips wrapped around your shaft, that your concentration may be a bit vague (note earlier comment about insufficient blood supply), but don’t lose sight of the fact she should be enjoying it too; if in doubt, ask. Don’t forget to keep up the touch too, much as she may be (and she probably is) enjoying your cock stretching and filling her, remember the other bits too. I love having my boobs licked, sucked and caressed during sex and I’m pretty sure most other women do as well.

Depending on the position employed, use your hands to touch those bits of her that she likes to have touched (for me, back of neck, small of back, bum and inner thighs. If she likes it when you talk dirty, do that (within reason). And, above all, don’t forget to keep kissing! If you aren’t face to face, kiss whatever bit is in reach of your mouth.

OK, so it won’t be like that every time. Sometimes, what we want is a wham-bam-thank you-ma’am quickie but, if you take on board what she wants and respond to her needs and desires, the results will be worth it.

Who said we women weren’t demanding? Oh, that’s right, no one.

#WickedWednesday

Discarding my virginity


Let us be very clear, I did not lose my virginity; that has always implied a certain carelessness to me, and there was nothing careless about my first time. No, my first time was very much deliberate; I actively discarded my virginity.

As I’ve mentioned before, I did it for the first time a couple of weeks after my 15th birthday. There was no real significance to the timing; I didn’t deliberately wait until I turned 15, it’s simply that this was the first opportunity that presented itself. My boyfriend at the time and I already had a pretty active sex life and had had so for several months; the only thing absent from that sex life was actual penetrative sex. It was an omission I became increasingly keen to rectify.

It wasn’t that I felt under any pressure to get rid of my virginity, although a couple of my friends had already dispensed with theirs, it was simply that I wanted to experience it. I knew what it felt like to have a vibrator up me, I knew what it felt like to have my fingers up me, I even knew what it felt like to have someone else’s fingers up me, having experienced that from my boyfriend and my best girl friend, but I wanted to feel his cock (or, if I’m being completely honest, any cock) inside me. I knew what it felt like in my mouth, but in the same way that sucking your thumb feels nothing like sucking a cock, I imagined that being fucked by his cock would feel nothing being fucked by my, or his fingers.

The opportunity arose because on that particular Saturday both his parents were at work, and we would have his house to ourselves.

It all started of in what had become a familiar pattern; lying on his bed, kissing and cuddling, with quite a lot of groping and fondling. At a certain point, he got my top off and started lavishing attention on my boobs. Thereafter, I proceeded to suck him off, being rewarded with a lovely thick load of cum, which I hungrily swallowed down.

Pausing only to catch his breath, and to get me out of my jeans and knickers, he went down on me and ate me to a couple of shuddering climaxes that were intensified, in part, by the anticipation of what would happen next.

As my cunt spasmed around his fingers and my clit thronged in response to his tongue, I asked him if he was hard again. When he informed me that he was, I responded by saying, “Good, because I want your cock inside me.” The wolfish smile he gave me in return was almost enough to make me come again.

As he positioned himself above me, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what it woulld feel like. I had a pretty good idea that images of cascading waterfalls and fireworks were a load of guff; I’d had enough orgasms without experiencing such imagery to know that wasn’t going to happen.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

I nodded and felt myself growing even moister as the head of his cock pressed against me. He slid into me slowly but easily. It was obvious he was enjoying feeling his cock being engulfed by my cunt as much as I was enjoying the sensation of him slowly filling me.

It felt good, I felt wonderfully, deliciously full. His cock was so much thicker and fuller than anything that I had ever had up me before. I had expected it to hurt and was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t; just a slight discomfort and a lovely feeling of being stretched and filled.

As he moved inside me, slowly at first, but with steadily increasing pace, I opened my eyes and saw him smiling down at me. “Harder,” I said, “You can go a bit harder.”

He picked up the pace, pulling out and thrusting in, his body colliding with mine, slamming against me with every stroke.

Suddenly, his face contorted, his body went stiff. He groaned: “Shit! Fuck! Morag! Fuck!” (or something equally as coherent and eloquent) as his cock erupted inside me. I felt the warmth of his cum inside me as he slumped on top of me. As his cock slipped out of my cunt and I felt his cum trickle out of me.

I didn’t come; I didn’t care. I had been fucked and it had been good. The second time we did it, later that afternoon was better still. Practice, as they say, makes perfect, and while we never achieved perfection in the time that we were together, the sex continued to get better and increasingly satisfying.

All in all, it’s fair to say, I enjoyed my first time.

#WickedWednesday Food For Thought Friday - #F4TFriday

Rub it in


I’m lying on my back, Master C standing over me, looking down at me, stroking His lovely thick cock in one hand. I know what’s going to happen next and, sure enough, moments later, thick, hot wads of warm, sticky cum splash over my boobs.

It’s something I love; the sensation of cum on my skin. That initial wet heat as it splashes against me, the sensation as it trickles over me. The way it feels as it cools and dries. It’s just all so fantastically filthy.

Not that it got the chance to dry.

No sooner had Master C disgorged all over me when He proceeded to bury His face between my thighs and, reaching up, began rubbing His cum into my boobs as He nibbled and licked my clit and labia.

This is one of may favourite things. Don’t ask my why. I love getting my boobs played with, I have a thing for cum, and I definitely have a thing for cunnilingus, so I guess the combination of all three just overloads my brain’s pleasure centres. Whatever the reason, it generally has me coming in virtually no time flat and this occasion was no exception.

Deliciously dirty and overwhelmingly orgasmic; what more could a wanton slut possibly ask for?  According to Master C, it’s good at preventing or, at the very least, reducing wrinkles. I remain to be convinced on this point, but so long as He is happy to keep “moisturising” me in this fashion, I’ll live with the results…

#WickedWednesday

Lazy lie-ins


Nothing beats a long, lazy, lie-in at the weekend, or when you are on holiday. There’s something special about knowing you don’t have to get up. Instead of being awakened by the shrill chime of the alarm, I am instead roused from my slumber by Master C kissing the back of my neck.

His finger traces a line up my side, then around the curve of my breast. I sigh and squirm against Him, feeling the warmth of His body against mine, His hard cock pressing against the curve of my arse.

His fingers seek out my nipples. As they stiffen, my cunt begins to grow moist.

I stretch and roll on to my back. I turn my head to face Him and Master C kisses me lingeringly on the lips, before starting down my neck.

He plants kisses on my boobs. He teases my nipples with His lips, His tongue, His teeth. It feels so good, my cunt grows wetter; Master C begins to move lower.

I spread my legs. He moves between them. Master C kisses the insides of my thighs. His breath is hot on my moist lower lips and I long to feel His tongue slide between them.

He teases; torturing me, making me beg for His tongue until Master C finally relents and shows me mercy.

It feels so good as He feasts on my cunt; not too rough, not too gently. My body responds as His tongue works its magic.

I come. Master C continues. I come again. I surrender to the sensations as they wash over and through me.

And then Master C is inside me; His lovely thick, hard cock filling and stretching me.

He fucks me, slowly but firmly. My cunt grips His cock as he moves inside me.

The pace increases. The force of His thrusts mounts as Master C fucks me harder.

The pressure in Him builds. Master C slams His body against mine, driving His cock in hard. I long to feel His release, feel His cum flood my cunt. I know it won’t be much longer.

His breathing quickens. I can feel His heart pound. He can’t hold back any more.

His cock erupts. He softly moans: “Morag! Oh Morag!” as He unloads inside me; flooding my cunt with a lovely warm, thick load.

Spent, Master C slumps on to me, pinning me beneath Him, His cock still twitching inside me as I wrap my arms around Him and hold Him close.

Finally he pulls out. We snuggle together. We doze for a while in each other’s arms.

We rouse a while later. Should we get up? Maybe, not yet. There is no need. With that in mind I kiss Him, my hand seeks out His cock, as I decide I’d like Him to do it to me all over again.

Kink of the Week

Think of a number


Think of a number. Now double it. Subtract the day of the month your birthday falls on. Divide by your bra size/inside leg measurement. Add forty-two. Round to the nearest whole number.

Yes, this is my take on that perennial old chestnut: “The Number!” You know the one I mean; the one about how many people we’ve had sex with.

It’s a question that comes up from time to time and, it seems, it is one that we are endlessly fascinated with.

Personally, I’m in the mildly curious but generally couldn’t give a fuck camp. It’s an interesting insight into the person you are currently fucking, possibly a handy bit of trivia to store away for those Mr and Mrs type quizzes, but, otherwise not important.

The problem with it is, that when you start thinking about it, it’s not actually a straightforward question.

What exactly counts as a sexual partner?

If you limited it strictly to men and women that I’ve fucked, and if you give me some time, I could probably work it out. It would, however, take me considerably longer than it took Andie MacDowell’s character in Four Weddings and a Funeral. But then, you see, I’ve included women, and I haven’t had penetrative sex with women, only oral and finger play. So does than mean that I also now have to include all those men with whom I have only ever sucked their cocks? On the assumption that it does, then I have no chance at all of determining the total; given that my penchant for the drunken, random, back of the pub blow-job means that I really don’t know.

Still, even if I could, somehow, divine the total number of men who’s cocks I’ve sucked and add it to the number of men I’ve fucked (eliminating any duplication as I go), and then add on the women I’ve had sex with, does this give me my number?

What about the lad I jerked off at a friend’s 16th birthday party? What about the boy in my class whom I let thoroughly finger me so I could scrounge a cigarette off him when I was at school? What about that boy that first kissed and sucked my nipples and made me feel oh so good when we were both horny teenagers, even if I didn’t actually come? What about…?

You see my point though. Clearly “the number” does not simply refer to penetration. If it did, then I would have had no female sexual partners, and I most certainly have had sex with women. But, if sexual partners are not limited to those that you have had penetrative sex with, where do you draw the line?

Orgasm perhaps? Well maybe, but does that mean if I don’t come, I haven’t had sex? No, surely not. On the other hand, does the boy who snuck his hand up my top to cop a feel while snogging me at a school disco also count? Again, I don’t think so (although, had I not wanted him to do it, it could possibly have counted as sexual assault).

So, given that I can’t suitably define what a sexual partner is, how can I possible tell you how many I’ve had?

Let’s just say I’ve had rather a lot and let it go at that…

#MasturbationMonday