It probably comes as no surprise to anyone reading this that I tend to like my sex rough, and hard. I like there to be varying degrees of pain involved. My sexual tastes and appetites have a natural tendency to veer towards the darker side. In addition to being submissive, I am also very much a masochist. Fortunately for me, Master C knows me, knows my motivations, knows my needs and desires, knows how to exploit them for His own pleasure and gratification and, most importantly, knows how to satisfy them for mine.
You will note there that I rank my needs as being more important than His, and this is the crux of my epiphany; it is a lesson that Master C has taught me.
The “traditional” view of a submissive is someone who serves their Dominant, who puts the Dominant partner’s need before their own at all times. There is an element of this in my dynamic with Master C; I do serve Him, I obey, Him, I do want Him to be satisfied, I want Him to enjoy and extract the most pleasure from our sexual activities, I want Him to use my body as He sees fit. And yet, while I will do everything I can to please and satisfy Him, my own need are still important and still need to be met.
Part of how I meet this is through “my service”; it’s about how I make myself available for Master C to used; to be bound and restrained, to be spanked, thrashed or caned, to be fucked in whichever hole he desires. Much of my satisfaction comes from knowing that I provide for Master C’s needs and desires, I provide an outlet of release for Him to make use of.
There is, however, a flip side to this; I have my own needs and desires, my own requirement for gratification and satisfaction. While it may seem strange to an outsider, much of our dynamic centres around care and attentiveness; even the thrashings and cagings are part of this.
Master C has taught me that it is right for me to have wants and needs, it is right for me to seek to have them satisfied, it is right for me to articulate them. My submission to Master C does not require me to supress my own needs, it gives me the freedom to explore them and to satisfy them.
I know that however Master C chooses to use me and how He decides to fuck me, He will ensure that, in taking His satisfaction from me, He will also provide for me. I know that when He gives me the freedom to enjoy my relationships with “The Other Guy” and “The Girl” He does so because He recognises the importance of these relationships to me. I know when my arse is being thrashed for having fucked a random stranger on a night out, I am paying the price for enjoying the freedom to satisfy a particular need in me.
Being Master C’s submissive gives me the freedom to have my own needs met, while satisfying His. Our dynamic works in a way that, often I put His needs ahead of mine, but never at the expense of mine.
Of course, part of this is helped by the fact that my biggest need of all is simply to be Master C’s, bratty, slutty, masochistic submissive. That’s one need I do seem to be particularly good at satisfying.