Duty of care


The current No True Way prompt is:

“Aftercare is mandatory for subs.”

There is a certain ambiguity in the way that it is phrased. Does it mean that it is mandatory for the Dominant partner to provide after care to their submissive, or is it implying that the submissive must must care for their Dominant?

I suspect, in the general D/s context it is the former; particularly in the aftermath of any form of impact/discipline/torture/S&M session of your choice. It’s true, after a (very literally) bruising session, I definitely need all the care I can get; be that physical relief in the form of soothing balms being applied to my inflamed skin, the the emotional care of being wrapped up in Master C’s strong arms and listening to His soothing words. In that specific context, within our particular dynamic, given the level of pain I will have almost certainly had to endure because of my own masochistic tendencies, then it would be fair to say that, yes, the provision of aftercare is Master C’s responsibility. It is a responsibility that He takes very seriously. His strong hands, firmly but gently applying the soothing, cool aloe balm to my tender skin after a thrashing/flogging/caning is actually every bit as much a part of the “session” as everything that went before it. The bath He runs for me, the glass of wine He pours for me, the gentle reassuring words, the hugs, the caresses are all a very important part of the whole episode.

But what about Him? What about Master C’s feelings and emotions following an intense S&M session? While He knows and understands that not only can I endure the pain that He inflicts, my emotional make up means that I actually need it some times. I have written before about how I periodically need to be broken down and rebuilt in order to fully release the stresses and tensions of living. Knowing that I need it does not make any easier for Him to inflict it upon me. It’s not easy to deliberately inflict pain and cause hurt to a person you love, even when you know it’s what the want and need. It requires a kind of emotional strength that carries its own price. And for that reason, aftercare, for us, is very much a two way thing. I need to reassure Master C that I will willingly accept the physical pain that His belt, or the flogger, or the cane or the paddle inflicts. I need to assure Him that the welts and bruises on my back and buttocks are symbols that I wear with pride; they are the marks that He, and only He has and can put on my skin. I reassure Master C with my words, and also with my actions. It turns out that a long, slow, sensual blow-job is the most effective cure for “Dom-drop”; which is fortunate for both of us I guess.

But, what this illustrates, once again, is a point I have made on a number of occasions; namely that a D/s relationship is, first and foremost, a relationship. The aftercare element of D/s, is simply an extension of the care and support that we provide each other in all other aspects of our lives. We care for each other and support each other every single day; being in a D/s relationship doesn’t change that; in fact, I would go as far as to say it enhances it because of the need for extra care in those particularly vulnerable moments.

Trusting someone enough to actually let them hurt you is actually quite a big thing for both parties. I know that Master C is aware of my limits. While we may have the equivalent of a safe word, it is something I almost never resort to and on those rare occasions I do, it’s because of me, not something that Master C is doing because He never attempts to force me to use it. When Master C is doing something particularly rough or that causes me a degree of pain, He will often ask things like “Your enjoying this, aren’t you?” or “You want more of this don’t you, you slut?” or “You need a few more lashes/strokes, don’t you?” On the surface, these questions actually do have their literal meaning, Master C is actually asking me those very questions, but He is also checking in with me and reaffirming that I am happy and willing to continue. The language may sound demeaning (which is important because it plays to my humiliation fetish) but it is just another example of the care Master C takes. In it’s own way, Him asking/telling me “You need the brat thrashed out of you, don’t you?” is no different to Him asking me if I need help with a particular “vanilla” task in everyday life; the only thing that is different is the context.

So, once again, I’ve used several rambling, stream of consciousness paragraphs that essentially boil down to, yes, aftercare is mandatory for submissives, both the receipt of said aftercare and to provide it too and that applies both within the D/s context of the relationship and in everyday life as well.

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Going down


I cannot lie, I am a massive fan of oral sex in all its forms. I love having my cunt eaten out and I also love feasting on the cunts of my female partners. I love having Master C roughly fuck my throat, treating my mouth as nothing more than another hole to be used by His cock. Finally, and it goes without saying and will come as no surprise to readers of this blog, I simply cannot get enough when it comes to sucking cock. With that in mind, I have some thoughts on this week’s No True Way teaser:

“I love going down on a woman/man, but I’d never go down on my sub”

Now, clearly, being the sub in my relationship, I don’t have a sub of my own, but as mentioned above, I do love going down and being gone down on.

First off, I don’t believe there is anything inherently dominant or submissive about the act of performing oral sex as and of itself; it is simply using our mouths to give our partners pleasure. As often as not, when I’m sucking a cock, even when it’s Master C’s cock, I’m not doing it as an act of submission, I am doing it because I love sucking cock and I want to suck cock.

That’s not to say that sucking cock can’t be a submissive gesture, because it can. That, however is more to do with the circumstances the scenario and the mood rather than the act itself. There are the rituals, the performances, the nuances that differentiate between a simple, honest to goodness, I want His cock in my mouth blow-job and an act of submission whereby I am sucking His cock by way of performing a “service” of as confirmation of Master C’s Domination.

There are also times, as I’ve written before, where there is a certain power reversal, in as much as I am the one in control. Master C is still Dominant, and I am still submissive, but I am using my moth to be in control of His pleasure; His orgasm will be because of what I do to Him rather than what He does to me.

The flip side of this is when Master C goes down on me. In the main, He does this for a number of reasons:

  • He knows how much I enjoy it when He does it.
  • He enjoys doing it.
  • His pleasure is heightened by the knowledge of the pleasure He is causing me to experience.

There is, however, absolutely nothing submissive or any lessening of Master C’s Dominance when He goes down on me, however. In actual fact, when Master C is eating my cunt, He is still very much the Dominant partner. With His lips and tongue, Master C can choose to grant or deny me the release of orgasm. As a “tool” for edging me, it is probably without rival. The skill with which He can take me to the edge of the orgasmic abyss and then hold me there for what can seem like an eternity, that point where pleasure becomes torture, and so becomes an even greater pleasure, is almost indescribable. When Master C goes down on me, He has a control over my body and my responses that is greater and more finely tuned than is unmatched in anything else he does to me.

So, all of this is, I guess, a rather long-winded way of me saying, when I go down on Master C, it can be a submissive act, but, more often than not, it isn’t, it’s simply me enjoying having His cock between my lips, and when Master C goes down on me, it is most definitely not a submissive act in any way shape or form.

As with so many things in D/s, it’s not the act or the activity itself that is Dominant or submissive, it is the way the act is performed.

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In position


So, the teaser to consider this week on No True Way is this:

“Every submissive should know their positions, so they can please their Master when needed.”

Now, I’m fairly indifferent to positions myself. Largely I go with whatever just happens and whatever fits the mood that either Master C or I (or both of us) are in, or the kind of activity we are indulging in at any specific time. For as much as I love being on all fours, being taken hard in the cunt or the arse from behind, while my head is being yanked roughly backwards by Master C pulling roughly on a fistful of my hair, I also love the closeness and intimacy of the full body contact that plain old missionary position sex provides. I’m happy to brace myself against a kitchen unit or in a doorway in an alley somewhere for a frantic quickie, but I’m equally happy having a long, drawn out session entwined on the sofa.

To me, the position really isn’t all that important; what matters is that I’m getting fucked, that one (or sometimes more) of my holes has a cock in it, that I am enjoying being used and that the other person/persons are enjoying using me. The position or positions employed will largely be dictated by the circumstances and location. Often, Master C will instruct with simple commands, e.g. “On your knees” or “Turn around” or “Bend over”; just as often things will change organically, positions changing as we transition from one activity to another.

There is one exception to this, however, and it’s when I am either told to, or choose to, adopt the “Waiting Position”. The waiting position is basically me, naked, on my knees, hands behind my back, eyes downcast. Sometimes Master C will instruct me to adopt this position while He attends to other matters. Sometimes I will voluntarily adopt this position, in order to welcome Him home from work, or simply to let Him know that I am ready to perform some service.

A variation on this is the “Corrective Waiting Position”. It is broadly the same but, instead of my hands being behind my back, they are raised in a supplicant position in front of, and slightly above my head, Master C’s belt resting across my palms.

Again, sometimes I will be commanded to assume this position, while Master C reminds me of the transgression I have committed and makes sure that I fully understand why I need to be disciplined for it. On other occasions, when I know I have done something (or fucked someone) that requires correction, I will assume this position and wait for Him to observe me in it; the act of supplication, of asking for correction, being part of my atonement.

Largely though, through the familiarity that comes of being together so long, I’ve learned how to read Master C’s moods and accompanying needs. Knowing these as well as I do, I can pretty much anticipate what He is likely to want to do, and which positions most readily accommodate such actions. At the same time, however, it would be wrong of me to be presumptive. While I may be aware of the positions I need to assume, it is not my place to get above myself and make assumptions about what He wants to do. While I have a certain degree of leeway to anticipate His needs or to take the lead and to act of my own volition, my preference is to seek direction so that I can better be of service in attending to Him because, ultimately, I want to please Him and be rewarded for being His “Good girl!”

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One way or another


This week, on No True Way, we’re being asked to consider the following:

“A switch is not a real Dom/sub.”

Now, this is not a topic I really have any experience with but, as with all things, I would say that context is key.

I am pretty sure that there is absolutely no way that anyone would ever consider me to be Dominant, especially in my relationship with Master C, but as I have mentioned many times on here, being submissive does not, in the context of our dynamic, mean me being passive and having no input into what goes on, or the kind of things I want to do and have done to me.

I’ve written before that Master C expects me to communicate my wants, needs and desires, and we have evolved a means by which I can do this in a way that is consistent with my submission to him. As my Master, He is, of course, free to interpret and act upon my requests as He sees fit; but that is how it should be.

There are also times where it suits Master C to let me take the lead. He is happy for me to do “the heavy lifting” as it were, and provide most of the effort while He enjoys the fruits of my efforts. This doesn’t make me any less submissive; it is simply another way in which I care for Him and provide for His needs.

Of course, as anyone who reads this blog will be fully aware, Master C, is not the only person that I have sex with. In addition to our poly sharing circle, there are both “The Girl” and “The Other Guy” and there are also my randoms.

Within the sharing circle, I am absolutely submissive. I may occasionally be required to “Dominate” one of the other submissives in the group, but that does not come naturally to me, and I am still doing it as a submissive act in that I am doing it for the gratification of either Master C, or the Master of the other submissive that I am being required to “Dominate”. Essentially though, it is play acting. I do it because that is the task that has been set me, not because I am naturally inclined to do so.

With “The Other Guy”, while I do not submit to him, where our kinks are concerned, I am still the submissive partner. I will still ask him if he would like me to suck his cock, or if he would like to eat me out or fuck my arse. I will still take instruction from him when he tells me to bend over, or get down on my knees/all fours. I am still very much submissive even though I am not his submissive.

When I am with “The Girl”, there really isn’t any D/s element to our sex at all. We’ve know each other since childhood, been sexual partners since our teens and we just do what feels right and comes naturally to us. Where such things require it, we will take it in turns to be the one doing things to the other, but there is no primacy between us; we simply share the moments we have together and do whatever happens.

The only time that sex is entirely on my own terms is with a random. I single them out, I pick them off, and then we do whatever it is I’m in the mood for, whether that simply be sucking them off or getting fucked in the arse in a dark alley. With randoms it’s really all about what I want from a partner in that moment; it’s the rush, the thrill and excitement of the illicit in the sure and certain knowledge that I will be punished for it later.

Now, while my extra-curricular couplings undoubtedly confirm my slut credentials, none of these things, however, qualifies me as a “switch”. at the end of the day, I submit to Master C, and only to Master C. He is the only one to whom my submission has been offered. Again, as I have written before, I am His submissive at all times, not just when we are engaging in sex or kink related activities. I am His submissive when I’m at work, I am His submissive when I’m pushing the trolley round the supermarket (irrespective of whether or not I’ve been instructed to wear a butt-plug, nipple-clamps, ben-wa balls while I am out and about), I am His submissive when I’m asleep. To me, “switching” doesn’t enter into it, it doesn’t matter what I am doing or, indeed, who I am doing it with, I have submitted to Master C and I am His submissive in every way and at all times.

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Open access


This week’s prompt on No True Way is:

A good girl is always available.”

Now, it is true that, within the context of my relationship I am pretty much “always available”, and that if I perform “my services” well, Master C will call me His “Good girl”, but I’m not sure whether always being available, makes me a good girl or whether being a good girl means I am always available.

I suspect, if it’s either, it’s largely the former; largely because I am “availability” means that quite often (although sadly not recently), I am actually a very BAD girl.

I suspect the context to this is it’s not the availability that defines goodness/badness, but the who I am making myself available to.

I freely admit (and have done so frequently on this blog), that I enjoy casual sexual encounters with random men. I’ve possibly mellowed a little as I’ve got older, largely due to having my regular additional partners in “The Other Guy” and “The Girl”, and through our poly “Sharing Circle”, but there is still an element of, if I fancy someone, there’s a good chance I may end up fucking them. This, of course, is why I am often (although currently not nearly as often as I’d wish, to the point that I can currently only think about such things), a bad girl. And, of course, bad girls absolutely have to be punished. Now, because I am an absolute glutton for punishment, my natural inclination to put my “availability” to use means that I am frequently a bad girl. I am, however, also willing to accept responsibility for my misbehaviour, and therefore freely accept whatever discipline Master C chooses to apply. The fact that I accept such discipline from Him, and regularly “thank” Him for His correction by sucking His cock afterwards as a means of showing my genuine contrition for my transgressions, is one of the things that sometimes earns me that coveted “Good girl” appellation.

On the other hand, as I have said countless times, part of my submission is that if Master C wants me, He is free to have me and use me in any way He sees fit, whenever He desires. He is also free to offer me within the context of our “Sharing Circle”, to other members. I am “required” to be available to Master C and to whomever He offers me to. I know that it pleases Master C when I perform my duties diligently and unquestioningly and, pleasing Master C is a very big part of my own pleasure. A large part of being Master C’s “Good girl” is my dedication to His pleasure; it is my duty and one I perform willingly and, as a result, my mouth, my cunt, and my arse are always available when He has a need and/or desire for them.

I’m still not entirely sure if always being available makes me a good girl, but then, perhaps, maybe sometimes I have to be a bad girl to be good.

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A strong, independent woman


On twitter, people will often post or retweet a meme that says something they feel is particularly pertinent to them and say something along the lines of “I feel seen…” I must confess, that’s exactly how I felt when I read the current prompt on the No True Way site:

“Submission appeals to responsible, hard working and independent women, because it takes them to a world free from those pressures.”

In fact, that simple statement resonates so much that I almost feel I should print it out, frame it and hang it on a wall somewhere because, for me, there is so much truth in it.

In the “real world”, I am a mental health counsellor.  The people I deal with are often at the lowest point in their lives when I first meet them. The stories they tell are always raw and deeply personal and, all to frequently, border on the horrific. To say it is stressful is an understatement. In these current times, it has been even more so than usual.

But who cares for the carer? Who heals the healer? For me, my submission to Master C often falls into this space.

Through my submission I am able to free myself from the strains, stresses and anguishes that I have to contend with daily. I surrender control to Master C. I let Him choose what is appropriate, what I should and shouldn’t do, I free myself from the need to make decisions, to choose one path over another. His care, His direction, His support and, yes, sometimes His discipline help me remain balanced.

Master C knows when I need soothing words and to be held firmly yet tenderly in His arms. He also knows when what I need is to be firmly restrained and soundly thrashed. He balances my needs for passion, pleasure and pain, and wields them in ways that keep me centred. Master C has developed an instinct for knowing when I need to have my shoulders rubbed, or my neck grabbed, when I need His hands massaging my back, or the stinging bite of His belt on my arse. When we fuck, sometimes I want Him to kiss me and stroke my hair from my face, at other times I want to feel His hands tighten around my throat. Sometimes I need to be an active participant and sometimes I need to be bound and helpless, allowing myself to be subjected to whatever treatment Master C decides is appropriate.

Sometimes, what I really need, is for Master C to fuck and thrash my cares away. My submission to Him gives me this.

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Hauddin ma wheesht


I am feeling a wee bit torn by the current prompt on the No True Way site:

“A submissive knows that they should learn to control their tongue when annoyed with their dominant.”

In so many ways, I agree with this statement. Largely this is because I am actually quite an irritable cow and most of the time, when Master C annoys me, it is unintentional and He’s just caught me at a bad moment. By His very nature, while He may be stern and strict when He needs to be (and having me as his sub/partner, that can be quite frequent), Master C really isn’t an annoying person. He may occasionally get angry at things (and sometimes, with justification, those things will include me, and I then get annoyed that He’s angry), but He never goes out of His way to annoy me. It is fair to say that, if I get annoyed at Master C , it almost certainly reflects more on me than it does Him; that is simply the kinds of people we are. That being the case, I probably should do a better job of not taking my propensity to get annoyed at things out on Him.

There is a slight drawback here, however. While I am submissive, I am definitely not meek and I am far from pliant. Part of our dynamic is that Master C constantly has to remind me who is “in charge” and has to “bend me to His will”. I can, by my own admission, be something of a brat.

The upshot of this is that there are times where I want, and indeed need, Master C to be strict with me; I need to feel the slap of His hand or the kiss of His belt on the skin of my bare arse. I need that touch, its harshness, its pain; and sometimes, in order to get what I need, I need to provoke the response out of Him.

It is entirely wilful on my part and when Master C finally can take no more of my impudence, when He puts me over His knee, Or bends me over the arm of the sofa, or edge of the bed; knickers (assuming I was wearing any) round my ankles, waiting for His punishment, I will absolutely be deserving of it in whatever form He decides is appropriate.

It is, however, a high risk strategy on my part. Master C has the patience of a saint and, dear only knows, He needs it having to live with me, so there is always a risk that the “punishment” He decides to mete out is simply to just ignore my behaviour and deny me the satisfaction He knows I am trying to wheedle out of Him. This, of course, only annoys me even more and ratchets my frustration levels up a few more notches.

Ultimately though, it’s part of who we are; it’s one of the things we do. We are both human and getting annoyed is part of being human. We can choose to bury it and let it fester, or we can acknowledge it and express it in ways get i out of the system.

So, yes, I acknowledge that there are times when I should just haud ma wheesht, but being me, there are times when I just don’t want to.

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Say “please”


I must confess, the current prompt on the No True Way site made me chuckle:

“A Dom doesn’t need to ever use the word
PLEASE.”

I suspect, like many couples, whether their relationship be D/s or vanilla (or anywhere in between), use of “please” in everyday discourse is taken as implied. I don’t ask Master C if He would please pop out to the shop for milk/eggs, etc. or if He would please pick up such and such when He is in town. The same is also true in reverse; Master C won’t ask me to please take a letter to the post office, or please pick up a bottle of wine on my way home. In these instances, the “please” is understood without ever being spoken. About the only time, outside of a sex/kink context, you will ever here either of us, and by which I mean Master C, use the word please, is when it’s done in exasperation, e.g. “For fuck sake, Mo, would you please stop leaving things on the stairs for me to trip over, are you trying to kill me?” or “please can you not leave piles of newspaper absolutely everywhere?” You may, quite correctly, assume from this that I can be quite an untidy person and it does, on occasion, drive Master C to despair and sometimes, if I’m really lucky, to drive Him to put me over His knee; but I digress…

When it comes to sex/kink, however, it is usually down to me to say “please”. Master C may instruct me to bend over, or  get undressed, or suck His cock; He may tell me that He intends to thrash me, or fuck my arse. His wants are almost always expressed as commands or instructions. My needs and wants are, however, almost always expressed as a form of question, e.g. “please may I suck Sir’s cock?” or “please can Sir fuck me?”

In this sense, it is I, as the submissive that “has” to say “please”; Master C merely needs to make His particular need/want known to me and that is sufficient. In this context, there is no need for Him to ask, He simply tells me how He intends me to be used or what He requires me to do.

There is an exception to this, however, that I find particularly hot. Sometimes Master C will phrase His instructions in the form of a question, e.g. “Will you please assume the position so I can thrash you?”, or “Please brace yourself against the worktop so I can fuck you hard from behind,” or “Please behave yourself appropriately if you want to be allowed to come tonight.” There is something about the way that when Master C phrases His instructions/demands in this way that makes me powerless to resist; the use of “please” in this context, rather than making them weak, makes them more formal and enforces the need for compliance on my part.

So, from my perspective, there is never any need for Master C to say please. Within the context of our dynamic, He always has the freedom to take whatever pleasure He wants from me and to use me in whatever way He sees fit. Having said that, judicious use of “please” adds an extra something, an air of gentlemanly formality that makes me want to obey Him and please Him, even more than I already always do.

Used sparingly, “please” is a very powerful weapon in Master C’s arsenal.

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Focus


The current teaser on the No True Way site is:

“Stop “trying” to be a good sub… because that’s focusing on “you”…
Focus on Him…
His needs, His wants, His desires…
And everything will fall into place.”

I must admit, that I have conflicting feelings on this subject.

On the one hand, I agree that part of submission, for me at least, is focussing on Master C and his needs, wants and desires. With this, there is an expectation that I will strive to be and do the best that I can in whatever I do, whether that involves a task He has set me, accepting His discipline or sucking His cock. I’ve alluded to this many times, but a major part of my submission to Master C is that He provides me with the instruction and guidance to be a better me. My submission to Master C isn’t just about serving Him and attending to His needs, it is about my own personal growth. When Master C encourages me, He is building me up, letting me know that I have done well. When Master C disciplines me, He is letting me know that I have, in some way, performed beneath myself and that He expects me to learn from this and do better.

The upshot is, that not only am I trying to be a good submissive, I am striving to be the best submissive I can be. And the reason I do this is because that is what Master C expects of me and, in doing so, I am addressing a need and desire in Him to help me.

The flip side of this is that my submission to Master C is centred around Him. In this sense, being a “good” submissive is all about focussing on His needs, wants and desires. It’s about providing Him with support, comfort and companionship. It’s about providing Him with forms of intimacy: the physical, emotional, intellectual, creative, experiential and, of course sexual. It’s about being someone for Him to love, but also someone to use and fuck; providing Him with outlets for that duality that resides in all of us, the tender, caring, unselfish love and the primal, primitive animal. It’s about giving Him reasons to discipline me and accepting such punishments in a way that He knows He is providing me with opportunities to grow. A lot of it is about sucking His cock.

For me, the primary focus of being a “good” submissive will always be about Master C, however that always reflects back on me. The ego cannot be switched off. I want to “serve” Master C and the ultimate reward for my “service” is for Him to call me His “good girl”.

In a way, for me at least, D/s is a kind of symbiotic relationship; I crave Master C’s  recognition of my “service” and that will always mean that I strive even harder to please Him and make Him proud of me. I need to attend to His needs, I want to be the outlet for His wants, I desire to provide for His desires. I am not directly focussing on me, but my sense of self-worth is inextricably bound up in my submission to Master C. That is a bond that cannot be severed and, even if it could, I wouldn’t want to.

Ultimately, both Master C and I expect me to not only be a good submissive, but to be the best version of myself that, with his guidance, support and direction, I can be.

His pleasure = my reward


The current teaser on the No True Way site is:

“Pleasing the Dom is the sub’s reward.”

When I read this, it immediately rang true with me. Nothing makes me happier than knowing I have pleased Master C or made Him happy. I don’t need to be showered with lavish gifts as a reward for my efforts; al I really need is a lovely thick load of cum and to hear Master C say the words “Good girl!”

For me, there is absolutely no higher praise than this.

When Master C calls me His “Good girl”, it means I have excelled in some way, in the performance of a task or the way I have reacted when He has disciplined me.

When I have sucked his cock and He has come in my mouth, and I am cleaning up those last drops of cum, those two words, coupled with His loving smile and the inevitable hint of mischief in His eyes tells me that I have outdone myself, that I have helped Him unwind and destress, that He is truly appreciative of my efforts in what I have done for Him.

It isn’t just about sex though; often it’s just the little things, helping Him find some misplaced object around the house, preparing a favourite meal, generally being there to support and comfort Him when He needs it in the same way that He supports and comforts me when I am the needy one.

It’s not so much about “serving” Him, it’s about being as important a part of His life as Master C is of mine. Knowing Master C is happy goes a very long way, particularly in these troubled times, to making me happy. Getting back to sex, knowing I am responsible for Master C’s pleasure, whether I be giving it to Him, or He is taking it from me, also contributes to my own. The same, of course, is true in reverse. I know that Master C takes a great deal of pleasure from the pleasure He gives me.

In this, and every other respect, Master C and I are very much a partnership; I submit to Him and accept His Dominance because it helps me to be a better version of me. The flipside to this is that my submission also provides support, comfort, and companionship for Him (in addition to a trio of holes to fuck whenever the mood takes Him). We complement each other, physically, emotionally and sexually and our D/s dynamic is part of how we express this.

So while I absolutely and unquestionably agree that pleasing Him rewards me, I know with absolute certainty that Master C is equally rewarded by the pleasure I derive from being with (and being fucked by) Him.

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