The photogenic penis and adult contact sites


OK, so I realise this really doesn’t have very much, or possibly even anything to do with the prompt that No Pants Endurance has set, but it’s one of those perennial questions that comes around, so to speak, every now and then. The question that frequently gets asked us girly sex bloggers is if we get sent unsolicited photos of men’s genitalia, and if so, how many. Thankfully, these days, I receive very few; but in my Adult Friend Finder days, I used to receive anything between 5 – 10 a day. Now I’m fine with a bit of penile bombardment, especially when the penis doing the bombarding belongs to Master C or the “Other Guy”, but there are limits.

The pictures I received were all of fine specimens, but having spent a few months on that, and other sites of that ilk, I can see why so many women get turned off by them. I mean, we ladies do like to shop around, and the adult contact site is kind of a guy’s shop window, I get that, but, the truth is, they all look like cocks. It’s a bit like going into Currys or John Lewis and being presented with a wall of washing machines; we know we want one, but can’t tell very much about them based just on what they look like.

Penises come (no pun intended), in a variety of shapes and sizes. Well, that’s not strictly true. They do present themselves in an infinite variety of sizes; from long and thin, to short and thick, from straight to bendy, and everything in between, but by an large, in terms of shape, they are all pretty much, well, you know,cock shaped. They are, it must be said, designed for function rather than aesthetics in my opinion. I’m not knocking cocks, they are often very good at what they do (some better than others, but that’s down to the owner, not the actual cock), but there are, I believe, much nicer bits of a man’s body to look at.

Now, OK, it doesn’t bother me that much. After all, I:

a) Like cocks, well, the way they feel inside me, not so much for their aesthetic value; and

b) Like one cock very much in particular. It’s the one I come home to every night and regularly makes me cum.

But, put yourselves in the women’s shoes for a second (might be a tight squeeze, but the results might be worth it). As I mentioned in a previous post about cock size, there’s only so much you can glean from a photo. You can’t really tell much about its size, you certainly can’t tell anything about the way its owner works it; so what do those pictures tell us?

Well, other than the fact that you have a cock and so, therefore, are definitely a bloke, absolutely nothing. And, given that you are blokes, I can already fairly safely assume that you have a cock, so you’re telling me nothing I don’t already know.

Now, that being the case, how am I, or indeed any woman going to be able to determine anything useful when all we’re being presented with is a picture of a bit that:

a) We already know you have; and

b) If a woman meets you and decides that nothing’s going to happen, she’s never going to see, let alone feel.

I’ll be honest, as I said, I like cocks, but I’ve never yet seen a photo of one (especially a photo that shows nothing but a cock) that’s made me go “WOW!!! I must have that inside me!”. Again, actually, that’s not strictly true, but when Master C or the “Other Guy” sext me with a photo of their cocks, I already know everything about it, and I know I want it in me, but I digress…

In the world of adult contact sites, it’s a buyer’s market as far as we women are concerned given by how much you guys outnumber us, so why not give us something more to look at? It doesn’t have to be a face, but showing us a nice toned body (yes, I am that shallow) might help us. And even if, as I said in my previous post, physical attraction doesn’t guarantee sexual satisfaction, if the attraction isn’t there to start with, then your cock, no matter how nice, probably will never get near us.

Any way, just my thoughts on the subject.

#MasturbationMonday
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Vicarious Sex


I can’t actually remember the circumstances that led to me discovering my brother’s stash of well thumbed porno mags, but I remember my reaction when I found them. By the standard of what you can find with absolutely no effort online today, they were extremely tame. The few hard-core examples mostly had any actual penetration obscured with coloured ovals. The rest were simply your run of the mill skin mags like Mayfair, Escort, Penthouse and the like. The images in them were almost exactly the same as you would find in issues of the same publications today; only this being the mid 1990s, the girls in them had considerably more pubic hair than their contemporary counterparts. There was never any doubt as to whether the girl in question was a natural blonde or not.

I sat transfixed, slowly turning the pages, marvelling at how sexy and how confident these women were. The comments next to the pictures seemed to emphasise how much they were in control of their sexual desires and appetites. It would be another decade before I would have sex with a woman; I didn’t consider myself to be bisexual then, hell, I wasn’t even sexual back then, but those sexy photos turned me on.

If the images were arousing, I wasn’t at all prepared for the letters. There were descriptions of people fucking, descriptions of guys getting their cocks sucked and eating girls’ cunts out, descriptions of girls getting eaten out and sucking guys cocks, descriptions of orgasms, descriptions of threesomes, orgies, outdoor sex, anal sex, sex, sex and more fucking, hot, wonderfully glorious sex. The words turned me on more than anything I had ever experienced before.

Needless to say, a couple of the magazines were secreted away before I returned the box to its hiding place. Once I’d exhausted a particular batch of “contraband” I’d return them and borrow another couple, slowly working my way through his entire collection which, I discovered, much to my delight, was frequently being added to.

As I’ve mentioned before, when I first discovered my brother’s illicit treasure trove, I had yet to discover the joys of wanking. Reading all those marvellously filthy words turned me on immensely, yet frustrated me almost in equal measure. Wanking, and in particular, girls wanking seemed to be the one thing those letters omitted. I wasn’t even aware that girls could wank, let alone have any inkling as to the mechanics of how it could be done.

When, at last, I’d made that particular discovery, the magazines took on a whole new resonance; they became the fuel for my fantasies. I would lie in bed, fingering myself into a frenzy, imagining I was one of those wantonly liberated women who fucked, and licked and sucked any cock that took my fancy. In the safety of my bedroom, with the door firmly locked, I practiced the erotic poses of the girls in the pictures in front of the mirror. As I grew bolder, I would wank myself, watching my reflection, learning how my body responded to arousal, slightly amused and slightly horrified by my facial expressions as I came.

Those magazines taught me that there was no shame to be derived from being a woman that enjoyed sex and being confident in her sexual identity. In the three years it took me between sucking my first cock and finally losing my virginity, I fucked vicariously through those beautifully vivid and deliciously filthy descriptions of sex.

To this day, I still don’t know if my brother was aware he wasn’t the only one in our house getting off to those magazines.

#MasturbationMonday

Hunger


Sometimes I have a certain hunger, a hunger for Master C’s cock in my mouth.

I want to use my lips to make Him hard.

I want to feel my lips slide along His length.

I want to feel the head of His cock lodge in the back of my throat.

I want to hears His moans and sighs as I drive Him closer.

I want to feel his cock twitch as His climax approaches.

I want to feel His cock erupt, filling my mouth with His cum.

I want to savour the rich flavour of His cum on my tongue before swallowing it down.

I want to sit back, lick my lips and await His approval.

I want to hear him say “Good little slut” as his breathing slowly returns to normal.

#MasturbationMonday The Oral Sex Project

The joys of Skype


Skype is the business traveller’s best friend. Even when Master C is as far from home as I can be and still be in Britain, it allows much more in the way of interaction than a simple phone call.

Take last night for example; I’m at home, Master C is in His hotel room, in Bristol. My laptop set up so that it’s camera can take in most of my bed. Maste C calls me and after a few minutes spent describing our respective days to each other, He begins describing what He’d do to me if He weren’t 400+ miles away.

Inevitably, I find myself naked and I’m rubbing moisturiser into my boobs, imagining the gloopy substance is Master C’s cum, as He describes how He’s going to thrash me for being such a dirty little tease.

As my cunt gets hotter and wetter, I long to feel His tongue on my clit. I desperately want to finger myself, make myself cum but Master C orders me not to.

A look at the laptop screen and I see him stroking His lovely, thick cock and I so wish it was me doing it to Him.

“Do you want to suck this?” Master C asks. I nod, wishing He was here or I was there so I could take the angry, swollen purple head between my lips.

“Do you want this in your cunt?” Again I nod, moaning confirmation of how much I want Him inside me, stretching me, filling me, fucking me.

“Do you want this in your arse, you filthy little slut?”

“Yes please,” I moan, “please stick your lovely big fat cock up my slutty little arse.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m your filthy little slut and I love taking your cock up my arse.”

“Slut!”

“Yes,”

“Filthy whore!”

“Yes,”

“Finger yourself! Fuck your cunt with your fingers.”

I comply, and as my thumb presses against my clit, I feel my climax ignite.

One orgasm isn’t enough though, and Master C orders me to continue fucking myself. My cunt grips my fingers as I plunge them deep inside me. My clit throbs beneath my thumb. My head tosses from side to side and my back arches. Distantly I hear Him ordering me on, demanding I abuse myself further.

Eventually, after what seems like an eternity of pleasure filled torture, Master C relented. He ordered me to lick my juices from my fingers. I savour the taste as, in the screen, He furiously pumps His cock.

“Cum on me!” I gasp, “Cover me with your lovely cum, make me your very own cum-soaked slut.”

He moans my name. “Mmmoooo-ahhhh-rrrraaaggg….” It’s almost a sob as His cock edupts, sending long, thick jets streaking through the air. The rationale part of my brain thinks it’s such a shame all that lovely cum is going to waste, but mostly, I don’t care; my body is too drained to worry about such things.

We sign-off. I switch off the light and curl up to go to sleep and dream filthy dreams. The only thing missing is Master C’s warm, strong body to cuddle up next to.

#MasturbationMonday

Sex toy?


I love my toys. I have quite a collection.

I have my Doxy massager for when I want to go from 0 – Screaming Orgasm in under 10 seconds. I have my wonderful ben-wa balls that give me such delicious sensations (particularly when I’m in the gym). I have my discreet little “lipstick” vibrator that goes with me wherever I go, just in case. Master C has all sorts of bindings and restraints that he uses on me, and all sorts of implements that can be used for my chastisement depending on the seriousness of any given transgression.

My absolute favourite, number one sex toy if you can call it that) is, however, Master C’s cock.

I absolutely love the things it does to me. I love the way it feels in my hand, mouth, arse or cunt. I love the sensations of being stretched and filled by it. I love how it throbs and pulses and jerks when I touch it. Most of all, I love it because it’s attached to a big, strong, hairy man who knows exactly which buttons to push to give me (and in some cases, deny me) the most thunderous, toe-curling orgasms imaginable. I also have a very big thing for the lovely, hot, sticky substance it produces.

Now, please don’t think I am knocking sex toys. Dear only knows how many I’ve owned since I bought my first vibrator, twenty odd years ago. I have spent many, many pleasurable hours in the company of my toys and they have given me many, many wonderful orgasms. If I’m being honest, my toys have accounted for more orgasms than my human lovers. Nothing, however beats the attentions of a partner who is so fully attuned to your body, its desires and needs.

My Doxy may be able to turn me into a screaming, shuddering mess in less time than it has taken me to write this post, but it won’t cuddle me and hold me close after it has made me cum. Nor will it bring me a cup of coffee afterwards.

So toys, yeah, I love them, they bring me unmentionable amounts of pleasure; but for the full, all senses engaged, every nerve ending tingling experience, it has to be Master C and his wonderful cock.

#MasturbationMonday

Punished


His belt rains down hard on my arse. Once again, Master C is punishing me for being a naughty little slut; and, of course, I deserve it. After all, I didn’t need to suck the very dishy I guy I met on a work night out off. I certainly didn’t need to go back to his place. I absolutely didn’t need to fuck him; twice. No, I didn’t need to do any of those things, but I did them just the same; and now I am being punished.

My attempts to soften His displeasure by sucking Him off were to no avail. All that it earned me was a sore jaw and a faceful of cum. And so I ended up bent over the hard, wooden table, my ankles pushed apart by the spreader, the ropes passed under the table to secure my wrists to my ankles. Then came His belt.

Ten lashes to each cheek; each one biting deeper and more painfully than last. Master C forces me to count each stroke; one to the left, one to the right.

I gasp the numbers out between my sobs. Tears trickle down my cum encrusted face. My arse burns. I can feel the lovely hot, red glow spread over it.

A pause. Master C surveys the marks He has left on my bottom; the rosy red glow of my stinging cheeks. He decides another five lashes to each is in order.

Again, I count out each stroke, each stinging kiss of the leather on my skin. The pain is intense, but that is part of the lesson, the consequence of my actions.

Untied, stretched out on the bed as Master C rubs the soothing balm into my hot skin, He asks me in His softest tones if I have learned my lesson. I nod. “Yes, Master,” I respond meekly.

“What have you learned, my naughty little slut?”

“That when I misbehave, I must be punished, Master,”

He holds me close. “Good girl,” He whispers.

And in that moment, I am His good girl; punished, admonished and forgiven. I know, however, that it’s only a question of time before I’ll misbehave again.

#MasturbationMonday

Out and about


I am a lover of the outdoors. I love being naked outdoors. There is something inherently natural about it. I love the feeling of the sun on my naked skin. I love feeling those gentle breezes that make the fine hairs stand on end and add to the sensitivity.

Whether it be soaking up the sun on a Greek beach, finding a remote country spot, or just simply lying out in the garden, the feel of the sun’s warmth  and/or gentle breezes all over my skin, there is a glorious natural feeling that simply can’t be replicated.

Sadly, living in a part of the world where the climate doesn’t often lend itself to outdoor nudity, and on those occasions that it does, the chances of them coinciding with me being free are so few and far between, they almost have to be grabbed and exploited.

Of course, if there’s one thing better than outdoor nudity, it’s outside sex. There are any number of places near to where Master C and I live that lend themselves to alfresco loving; whether it’s in the countryside, or various places along the shore, or, should inspiration fail us, our own garden. Of course there are also numerous back alleys and dark closes that lend themselves to drunken, late night quickies, but those are the subject of another post.

The thrill of outdoor sex comes from the risk of discovery; it adds a degree of excitement that makes the experience more intense. For me, the greater the chance of being caught, the sexier the experience is. The only drawback, if you can call it that, is that the riskier the location, the less clothing is likely to be removed. Sometimes the biggest thrill from outdoor sex is doing it in such a way that any people around are unaware that you are doing it.

One of the sexiest experiences I ever had was having sex in the middle of a park in Dublin, the guy I was with sat with his back against a tree, me sat astride him, my knickers pushed aside and me rocking gently as people passed by all around us, unaware (or at least, so I thought) of what was going on almost right under their noses.

Of course, if you can find a remote enough spot, a more leisurely approach can be taken. If it’s warm enough, you can take the risk of stripping off, letting the heat of the sun add to the heat of the situation.

Of course, seclusion is no guarantee of absolute privacy. Ramblers, dog walkers, horse riders and even mountain bikers can, and do, sometimes, appear seemingly out of nowhere. On those rare occasions where an outdoor shag has been interrupted in circumstances such as those just described, the general response has more often than not been embarrassment rather than outrage. On one particular occasion, one couple did stop briefly to enquire if we’d noticed any other likely spots nearby.

I am a big fan of of alfresco nudity, and sex; it’s just a shame that our weather gives us so few opportunities to indulge in such activities. So, when the circumstances and the weather combine to allow me to be naked outdoors, you can be certain that I will take advantage of it.

#MasturbationMonday

The dutiful slut


Sometimes it just has to be done. He comes home. He’s tired. He’s had a hard day at work. He needs His cock sucked.

As Master C‘s dutiful slut, I know how to attend to His needs; I know what I need to do.

I sit Him down, I undo His trousers, I take His cock between my lips and pleasure Him with my mouth.

Slowly, surely, I use my mouth to ease away the strains and stresses of Master C‘s day. With my mouth, I serve Him and worship Him; welcoming Him home.

He rests a hand on the back of my head. His fingers twist in my hair as He begins to push His cock deeper into my mouth.

A sigh escapes and the tension slowly builds as Master C begins to fuck my face with short, stabbing thrusts. I can feel His cock strain. I can taste His delicious pre-cum.

His breathing deepens. His fingers tighten their grip in my hair, pulling me on to Him.

Master C tells me that I am His “good girl”. He tells me that I have “earned my reward”.

My fingers stroke His shaft as I suck harder on the swollen head of His lovely, lovely cock.

I know Master C is getting close. I can feel the tension in His thighs. I know that soon I will taste His rich cum on my tongue.

Soon… But not yet…

Master C holds back; denying Himself the pleasure of release so that He can savour the attentions of my mouth for as long as possible.

“Is my good girl ready?” He asks. I murmur my assent from around His cock.

His hips surge. His cock twitches. I can feel the head swell in my mouth.

A moment…

That briefest of pauses…

His cum explodes into my mouth, flooding over my tongue.

I swallow the initial surge then milk the remainder from Master C‘s cock. I let it pool on my tongue, savouring the rich taste of Him before swallowing this too.

His cock slips from between my lips. I sit back on my heels and stare up at Him. “Did I do well?” I ask.

“Yes, little one, you did very well.”

Content that I have served Him, I stand up and make my way to the kitchen to make him His coffee.

#MasturbationMonday The Oral Sex Project

A little bit of “me” time


So, having got home from work and having had a shower, I step out of the bathroom, my skin tingling, my body pink and glowing. From there, I walk the few steps to my bedroom. I drop the large, fluffy towel and, for a moment, I stand there, naked, surveying myself in the full length mirror on the wall. From there, I sit on the edge of the bed and reach for the jar of skin crème. Applying a generous amount to my hands I start to rub it in.

I start with my arms. My hands glide over the soft skin. An occasional fleeting contact with my naked boobs sends tiny electric shocks through me.

Next my legs. My hands slide easily up my slender calves and over my rounded and shapely thighs. From there, they travel up to my midsection. A warm glow begins to spread through me as my hands absently trace their way under the curves of my boobs.

Should I stop or should I continue? I hesitate only a moment before applying more crème to my hands. Let’s be honest, this would have been a very short entry if I’d stopped there, wouldn’t it?

I moan softly as I cup my boobs in my hands and begin to caress them, rubbing the crème into those soft mounds of flesh that attract so much attention. My nipples stiffen as my hands slide over them.

Lying back on the bed, I close my eyes. I murmur my contentment as my hands squeeze and massage my boobs. I gently pinch my nipples and then my hands glide over the soft skin again.

My cunt responds in kind. I can feel it begin to pulse. I’m already turned on and getting more so with every moment that passes, every touch of my fingers. My boobs, firm and yet so soft, feel so good under my hands as I press them together, savouring the sensations arising from my attentions.

Tentatively, I let one hand brush lower. I open my legs. A finger slides between my lips, tracing the warm, wet folds of my cunt, coating it with my juices which are already flowing copiously.

I lift my fingers to my mouth, tasting the juices that are flowing freely from my cunt. The flavour intoxicates me.

I return my fingers to my cunt, sliding between the moist lips. I begin teasing my clit, it feels so good, my pleasure intensifies.

Slowly I slide one, then two fingers into me. I thrust them in and out, gently twisting them inside me. Waves of pleasure spread out from my cunt to consume me as I slowly finger-fuck myself.

Before things go too far, I reluctantly slip them out and lightly stroke my clit. In my mind’s eye it’s no longer my finger but a warm, wet tongue that is pleasuring me. Not my Master C’s tongue, not even “The Other Guy’s” tongue but a woman’s; “The Girl’s” tongue to be precise. The excitement inside me builds as I imagine Master C catching me there, catching me with “The Girl” between my legs, watching as her soft tongue gently laps the juices from my cunt.

The excitement mounts, my cunt contracts. It’s too soon, I don’t want to cum just yet, I need to slow down, to make it last, to savour every moment.

Almost reluctantly, I remove my hand from my clit. I lift my fingers to my mouth and lick them clean. As I savour the taste, in my imagination I’m licking my juices from Master C’s cock. In my fantasy He has joined us and has fucked me to the brink of orgasm as the “The Girl” feasted on my clit.

The sexual tension is still building, I have to force myself to slow down. I will my overactive imagination into neutral.

My hands return to my boobs. I shiver with delight as I squeeze and caress them. Pushing them together I pinch my nipples. I cry out with the subtle mixture of pain and pleasure. I rub in a little more crème, imagining that it’s hubby’s cum and I spend what seems like an age caressing each one in turn.

Fire burns in my cunt. My body is alive with expectation of release as I caress myself all over. Like iron to a magnet my fingers are unconsciously drawn towards my cunt once again. I have to use every ounce of will power I possess to prevent them from finding their goal. I run my fingers up and down my inner thighs, teasing myself until the tension and anticipation become too much to bear.

One hand returns to my boobs, the fingers of the other lightly brush over the lips of my cunt. I slowly slide a finger between the lips, spreading them wide. My finger dips into my cunt. Once again I take my finger to my mouth and lick the warm dew from its length. I savour the taste as, fully aroused, my other hand glides over my stomach to take its place.

This time I thrust two fingers into my cunt. I slide them in and out increasing the force with each movement. My thumb rests on my swollen clit and I moan softly as the sensations take over. My passion now owns me; my body, of its own volition, moves steadily towards the impending climax.

I thrust my fingers deep inside me, twisting them round and round inside my cunt. My thumb exerts a steady pressure on my clit. My free hand strokes and squeezes my boobs.

I can feel it approaching. The fire in my cunt builds to an inferno as my thumb and fingers do their work. My breathing quickens. My womb begins to contract. My body begins to shake.

My fantasy lovers return. “The Girl” is frantically licking my clit as, in my imagination, Master C works His cock in and out of my cunt.

The dam suddenly bursts. I cry out as wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure wash over me. My body shudders as I slip the fingers from my cunt and slide them back and forth over my throbbing clit, keeping the intensity of my climax at full strength.

My other hand pinches each nipple in turn as I gently rub my clit with a circular motion. Lightning bolts shoot through me as my climax climbs to a higher level. The contractions in my cunt and womb spread out to engulf me until I can take no more. With tears of joy in my eyes I allow myself to let go, hugging myself tight as I let the orgasmic energy dissipate.

After that, I lie on my bed motionless. I lie there, unaware of time passing, unaware of the room around me, unaware of everything except the beating of my heart. A warm glow of satisfaction spreads over me as my breathing returns to normal and my body relaxes.

Hope you enjoyed me telling you about it as much as I did actually doing it (and re-living it)

#MasturbationMonday

An “A-Z” of Wanks


In celebration of May being World Masturbation Month, I thought it might be fun to try and give an A-Z of wanks. You might have different names for some of these, but I’m sure you will recognise at least some of them.

A – The Anger Wank
We’ve all been there, a bad day at the office, a friend has pissed you off, you get home to find the cat has puked all over the sofa. You’re annoyed, you’ve had enough. What better way to work of your frustrations than dig out a favourite toy or two and give yourself a couple of shuddering orgasms. It won’t fix your problems, but it will make you feel better about things.

B – The Basic Wank
Can’t be bothered faffing around with toys, lube, etc.? Take it back to basics; enjoy a session with your fingers and your own natural lubricant. Relive the joy of those first furtive fingerings that you gave yourself so many years ago. Sometimes, less is more.

C – The Cunt Filler
Fingers not quite cutting it? Want to feel stretched and full? You remember that mammoth, super-sized dildo you’ve got stashed away for those “need a bit more” situations. Ram it in and feel that delicious fullness.

D – The Danger Wank
We all need excitement. The thrill of the risk of being caught adds to the arousal. It’s the wank in public or semi-public places.

E – The Eclectic Wank
You want to get off, but can’t quite decide how. Fingers? Toys? Frotting against an inanimate object? All of the aforementioned? It’s the wank where you use every tool in your arsenal to get yourself off.

F – The “Fuck This! I’m Having A Wank” Wank
Housework to be done? Ironing to be put away? Washing piling up? You know what, I can’t be arsed, I think I’ll have a wank first.

G – The Gratuitous Wank
The one you do in front of your partner because they are failing to meet your needs (can also be combined with The Anger Wank). You’re doing it for you, not for them. You’re having a wank and you don’t care if they know about it; in fact, you want them to know about it.

H – The Happy Wank
You’re in a great mood, you may or may not know the reason for this, but you’re sure as hell going to enjoy it. And what better way to make a little happiness go that bit further? Yup, work that clit/cock.

I – The Insecure Wank
First date nerves? Worried about if he/she will like/want to fuck you? Settle down and settle yourself before you go out with a quick reminder of just why you are fabulous.

J – The Jealous Wank
Just seen your ex with their latest partner? Feeling a bit down about it. Cheer yourself up with a reminder of what they are now missing out on: you. Can be combined with the Anger and Insecure wanks.

K – The Killer Wank
The kind of wank that leaves you more than just breathless.  You’ve cum so hard and so often that you actually feel like you’ve endangered your very existence.

L – The Learning Wank
It’s back to the beginning. It’s the way we learned how we liked to be touched. Thinking back brings back memories of a more “innocent” time.

M – The Mighty Moaner
The frustration has been building up. The release is so powerful. You shout your pleasure from the rooftops and you don’t care who hears you (with the possible exception of your parents). Sometimes combined with The Killer Wank.

N – The Normal Wank
This is your default wank. The one you fall back on when you haven’t the energy/can’t be arsed with anything else. It’s reliable, you know it works, so why fix it?

O – The OMFG!!! Wank
A variation of The Killer Wank and The Mighty Moaner. It produces orgasms so strong you feel like you won’t be able to move for about a week.

P – The Preparation Wank
You know you’re going to get a bloody good seeing-to, but you can’t wait to get started, so you have a quick bit of me time to start things moving.

Q – The Quiet Wank
It’s the middle of the night. You wake up feeling as randy as hell. Beside you, your partner is sleeping soundly, snoring and drooling into their pillow. It would be a shame to wake them. So, quietly does it, trying hard not to disturb them as you wank yourself back to sleep.

R – The Rushed Wank
You’ve got some place to be. You’re meeting a friend for a drink. It’s taken you forever to get ready and if you don’t hurry up, you will definitely be late. One small snag, you’re randy. Probably just got time to dig out the Doxy and scrape yourself of the ceiling after 30 seconds.

S – The Sensual Wank
You have all the time in the world, so take it slowly. Use your favourite body oils and creams. Take time to ensure every inch of you tingles. Savour it. Wallow in it. Enjoy it.

T – The Toy Wank
You want to feel full, you want to feel something thrust deep inside you. You want your cunt to squeeze and grip hard on something as you cum.  It’s time for toys. The Cunt Filler is a subset of this wank.

U – The Unexpected Wank
You hadn’t planned to have one; you weren’t even aware that you were particularly randy. Suddenly, midway through Eastenders, you unexpectedly find yourself with your fingers in you knickers. Well, let’s be honest, almost anything is better than watching Eastenders.

V – The Variety Wank
Similar in a way to The Eclectic Wank, but this time the variety is deliberate. You’ve carefully chosen out what toys you are going to use, the lube to apply and you’ve got it all worked out in advance so that you use them all.

W – The Watching Wank
Whether it’s you watching your partner or your partner watching you, or maybe you’re simultaneously watching each other, having an audience can make the experience even more intimate. Can be combined with just about every other wank described in this post.

X – The X-Rated Wank
This is the wank that you do deliberately for your partner. Sometimes also known as the Exhibitionist Wank. You are putting on a show. Your self-pleasure is as much for their arousal as it is for your own enjoyment.
Warning: Can lead to a long, hard, intense fuck.

Y – The “You Touch Me” Wank
Wanking is not a solitary experience. Having a partner bring you off with their fingers, or you doing it to them can be a deeply intense sexual experience.

Z – The Zumba Instructor
I’m cheating here because I can’t think of anything beginning with Z. That said, my Zumba instructor is seriously hot and I would love to do very naughty things to and with her. So maybe this is the category for all those fantasy filled wanks with the people you will never have.

So, there you go, my quick “A-Z” of Wanks, which I hope amused you.

#MasturbationMonday May Has Cum - World Masturbation Month