You said “foo foo”. Our survey said…

Pussy, twat, twinkle cave, flower, fanny (mostly UK, particularly Scotland and Northern Ireland), fud, growler, foo foo, sex, mound, box, cunt, CUNT, CUNT!!

The English language apparently has over 1,000 recognised euphemisms for the female genitalia. I’ve listed a few, off the top of my head, above. Seriously though, 1,000 euphemisms? Somehow I can’t quite see Nick Knowles ever asking contestants to name as many of those as they can come up with on the Saturday night lottery “Who Dares Wins” quiz show… And as for a question on Family Fortunes: “We asked 100 people for a euphemism for vagina…”, Can you imagine it?

Being Scottish, I’ve always quite liked “fanny”; there’s something humorously endearing about it. As often as not, we use it as a moderately insulting term for someone who annoys us, as in: “See him, he’s a right fanny!”, or when someone is dithering, as in: “Stop fuckin’ fannyin’ aroon an get oan wi’ it!” We might even describe someone who is a bit dim as a “Fannyheid”. It’s probably for these reasons that the word “fanny” as a term for vagina has, largely dropped out of use, increasingly replaced by the almost ubiquitous, “pussy”.

Now, we Scots being who we are, are not only increasingly using pussy instead of fanny when referring to a vagina, it’s also beginning to replace fanny in the contexts quoted above as in: “Stop being a pussy” or “Stop pussying about”. I don’t think I’ve encountered the term “Pussyheid” yet, but I’m sure it’s time will come.

Personally, I’ve never liked referring to my lady-bits as a pussy. Firstly, simply down to the fact that for most of my adult life, I’ve kept mine smooth, so there is no luxuriant fur to stroke and secondly because, well, it’s a bit limp really. This is the bit of our body that when used and abused in the right ways, ignites a pleasure in us that the company of a house pet can never match (and if it can, I seriously worry about you). A pussy is a soft and cuddly domestic animal which, fair enough, can be a vicious beast at times, sleeps a lot and needs constant feeding and affection.

OK, so, it’s true, some of the above also applies to my vagina but only in the most oblique of ways.

No, for me, the descriptive word is “Cunt”. It has such a vulgar, earthy sound to it, it rolls satisfyingly off the tongue and is of good, solid, old Germanic/Scandiwegian/Anglo Saxon origin.

A cunt sounds like something that wants, no, deserves to be pummelled and pounded until its owner is a quivering, orgasmic wreck. A cunt sounds like it is there to be invaded, impaled, filled and abused. A cunt sounds as if it was designed for filthy, deviant, sometimes painful but ultimately enjoyable and satisfying things to be done to it, and for them to be done again and again, over and over until all parties are satiated. Whereas a pussy should be petted and stroked, a cunt deserves to be taken, used and fucked.

Another advantage is, that in the derogatory sense, calling someone who is pissing you off a “cunt” is infinitely more satisfying than calling them either a “pussy” or a “fanny”.

Fanny will always hold a soft (and moistly warm) spot in my soul but it’s my cunt that routinely gets fucked.

 

Cunt

I love the word cunt; so coarse, so harsh a word for something so warm, soft, inviting and, ultimately welcoming. It is, however, a very satisfying word. Cunt: it just rolls of the tongue. It has a lovely, earthy Anglo Saxon feel about it, the way so many of our sex words have. Cock, cunt, fuck; such short forceful words that combine so well together, both on the page and in the flesh.

It hasn’t always been my cunt. When I was much younger, it was my fanny. When I was a bit older, it became my pussy. Occasionally, mostly because I’m redheaded, it got referred to as a minge, because that rhymes so playfully with ginge.

I never really liked pussy as a descriptive term. Yes, mine is sometimes “furry” after a fashion, and it does love being stroked, but in its own way pussy always seemed to be almost as childish a name as fanny.

I can’t exactly remember the first time a partner referred to it as a cunt. I do remember thinking, “Yes! That’s what it is. It is my cunt!” I remember enjoying the things his tongue was doing to my cunt. I remember how I felt as his cock fucked my cunt. That wasn’t just its name, that was what it was. It completed the unholy trinity of C words: cock, clit, and now cunt.

From then on, when a guy, or girl, went down on me, he/she licked my cunt, tasted my cunt, ate my cunt. When I had sex with me, he fucked my cunt. And when I masturbated, I would frig my cunt.

Frig. Wank. Cock. Fuck. Arse. Cunt.

Such short, sharp, harsh, vulgar yet, at the same time, beautiful words.

And then of course there is one more; slut, for that is what I am. A filthy, greedy, insatiable, submissive little slut. A slut who craves nothing more than Master C’s cock, whether it be in her mouth, her arse or her cunt. A slut who loves to be told how warm and tight her cunt feels around her Master’s cock. A slut who loves to fee Master C’s tongue lapping her juices from her cunt. A slut who just simply loves her cunt licked, fucked and generally used however Master C deems fit.

Baring all

From snooker ball smooth to naturally wild and unkempt, and every variation in between, the way a woman chooses to style her pubis is a topic of much debate.

It’s fair to say, and I’m sure I’m not the only woman to whom this applies, that over the years I have had an off/on, and it’s fair to say mostly off, relationship with my pubic hair.

Being a (fairly) early developer, my pubes first made their appearance when I was 11. While in one sense this was quite exciting, it also caused me a fair amount of embarrassment on the grounds that I was the first girl in my year at school to reach ‘that’ stage of life (a fact that was apparent through the agency of communal changing facilities at swimming pools, the school gym, and other such places where circumstances dictated that I be naked in the presence of my peers). To say I came in for a fair amount of, albeit envious, teasing from my less developed contemporaries was an understatement.

My boobs had also began to develop but there wasn’t much I could do about that, especially given how quickly they ballooned, but my recently acquired soft curls, I could do something about. The solution was, of course, the razor. From then until I was 13, by which time almost all of my classmates had caught up with me, regularly de-fuzzing ‘downstairs’ became as much a part of routine as shaving my legs or under my arms and plucking my eyebrows. Fortunately, due to my hair being quite light in colour, once a week was generally sufficient for me to appear pre-pubescent to a casual glance and, at that age, the only person giving my cunt close attention was me… That said however, then even as now, I much preferred the way I felt when I was completely smooth. Whether it be shaved or waxed, nothing beats a freshly de-fuzzed mound for sensitivity.

Once I was 13, the balance had swung firmly back in the direction of pubic hair and, although I’ve already mentioned how much I liked my smooth self, I allowed myself to go au naturale with a certain amount of relief.

It was a relief that was tempered by the fact that, while it grew back in, it itched like hell. I came close to giving up on a number of occasions, and reverting to the smooth me but I persevered (ironic really, all things considered) until the future playing field was fully re-turfed.

I don’t know if it was because of my shaving regime or not, but, although soft, my pubic covering was fairly thick. Fortunately, due to some quirk of my genetic make up, it was never uncontrollably wild. It was certainly never as bushy as that of many other girls.

All in all, I came to love my soft, luxuriant curls. Running my fingers through them became as much a part of my self-play as actually playing with my clit or fingering my cunt.

And so it was until I was 15. The next change, of course, came about as a result of my discovery of oral sex and having my fingers supplemented by my then boyfriend’s (and one very special girlfriend’s) tongue.

As soon as I’d experienced a tongue between my lower lips, it’s fair to say, I became addicted and, luckily, the guy in question was more than happy to provide me with my regular fix. Much as he clearly enjoyed what he was doing (and the reciprocation from me by way of thanks for his efforts) there was always the ‘problem’ of him getting a mouthful of hair and getting stray ones stuck in his mouth and struggling (we’ve all been there) to remove the offending things. The solution to the problem of ‘nature’s dental-floss’ was presented to me by that particular girlfriend the first time I went down on her. She, you see, had hers neatly trimmed and, while that didn’t entirely eliminate the issue, it did reduce it substantially, so I decided to adopt the same approach.

My new look was a huge hit with my boyfriend at the time. So much of a hit, in fact, that the very first time he saw it, also coincided with the loss of my somewhat dubious virginity…

The next step on the evolutionary path was, of course, the bikini wax. While I wasn’t averse to removing the excess around the edges with my razor, waxing was a revelation simply because, despite the initial discomfort (oh, OK, pain; yes, PAIN!), the results lasted a lot longer. Over the next 18 months or so, I experimented with different styles, from just a little off the sides to leaving just a small ‘landing-strip’. One day I finally plucked (no pun intended) up the courage to go the whole hog. To say that the guy I was currently fucking was impressed when he unwrapped me for the first time was, probably, an understatement. He spent so long down there with his mouth and fingers, I thought I was never going to feel his cock inside me. Suffice to say, eventually I did, and I thoroughly enjoyed its attentions; repeatedly as it turned out.

It’s worth noting that due to Him being particularly hirsute, Master C actually trims His pubic hair fairly short too, bless Him. We women are no more fans of nature’s dental-floss than men are after all, and the sensations of His coarse, short trimmed pubes against my bare clit and smooth lower lips are simply heavenly.

Nowadays , my basic style is to keep my lips smooth (since his mouth spends so much time down there, it reduces the risk of stray hairs getting in the way), while my mound is kept trimmed short and tidy. Sometimes I’ll fashion it into a neat triangle. On other occasions, as mentioned above, I’ll go for a narrow ‘landing-strip’. Sometimes, it’ll piss me off and I’ll shave it all off and start again.

The thing is, how I style it (or not) is my choice, and I like to surprise Master C  with what He finds when He gets my knickers off.

The smooth, pre-pubescent look seems to be very much in vogue these days. Porn seems to dictate that the only hair we women should have is on our heads. There is almost a pressure on women to conform to this “norm”.

The thing is though, pubic hair is natural and keeping yourself unnaturally smooth can be a hassle, and if you wax, is, as alluded to already, bloody painful.

How anyone chooses to style their pubic hair should always be their choice, it should never be something they are coerced into simply to satisfy someone else’s preferences. If a partner can’t handle pubic hair, then they clearly aren’t mature enough to be going anywhere near that region.

As I said above, there are times when I choose to go smooth. I like variety. However I choose to style my pubic region, though, is my choice and, in all honesty, I love the way my cunt looks when it is neatly tended to.

So ladies, if you want to go smooth, go right ahead. If you want to keep your curls, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. At the end of the day, our cunts are ours and ours alone, we simply allow our partners temporary use of them. How we choose to style them, or not, is nobody’s business but our own.

The one thing I have discovered is that the secret of a good waxing is proper moisturising afterwards. Based on past experience, I’m almost certain that Master C, “The Other Guy” and “The Girl” will do their very best to ensure the whole area is very thoroughly moisturised…