Meditations on submission

The “No True Way” prompt this week is:

Spend some time every day meditating on your submission, even if you can only spend 15 minutes or so.

Now, this got me thinking.

I’m a great believer in meditation and it is something I will make the time to do every day. When I meditate, however, I’m not really thinking about anything at all. If anything, it’s quite the reverse and I am consciously emptying my mind of thought, just focussing on the moment, counting my breaths, or my heartbeats, or, if I’m outdoors, just listening to the sounds of nature around me. The whole point of meditation is to clear my mind, not to make it examine something.

So, the simple answer to the prompt is that I do not meditate on my submission. The simple fact is that my submission is so deeply ingrained into who I am that it is something I don’t really need to consider. I’ve written before about how, for me, my submission is both conscious and unconscious; how it is who I am, even when I am simply going about my everyday life. My submission is active when I am doing something at Master C’s behest, e.g. when I am undertaking a task, when I am being disciplined, when we are ducking; but it is also passive in that I am still submissive when I am at work, or when I’m shopping, or even when I’m asleep.

But sex, and my submission, can themselves be meditative. Nothing restores my equilibrium than a toe-curling, back-arching, strength-sapping orgasm or too. When I’m fucking, the only thing in my mind is how it feels and how it makes me feel. When I’m sucking cock, the only thing I’m concentrating on is the cock that I’m sucking and the pleasure I am giving. When Master C’s belt is lashing my skin, it is also cleansing my mind. For me, pain is a great restorative; it provides me with a reset.

And that brings me to the most meditative aspect of my submission, and that is when Master C takes me to that place known as subspace. It’s that sweet spot where pain and pleasure combine to take me out of myself. It is a timeless, transcendental state where my submission becomes a total surrender; I am no longer in my body, I become a personification of sensation.

Sometimes my need is overwhelming. I need to be broken down and rebuilt. The most powerful and deepest state of subspace is when Master C takes me to this particular level, when nothing is “off limits”, when He uses the freedom to do whatever He pleases to me to its fullest; banishing my demons and satisfying my darkest desires and needs.

So, while I don’t meditate on my submission, my submission often does transport me into what can only be described as a meditative state that restores and enriches my body, mind and soul.

TMI Tuesday – Bind ~ Blind ~ Tease

1. Select a kink. You’re a first-time visitor to a dungeon, and you are ‘centre stage’ because a sizeable crowd has gathered to watch you:
a. Writhing from bare-hand spanking
b. Restrained on an X-cross receiving a whipping
c. Dangling in air wrapped in an ornate web of rope
d. Naked on a floor mat with 3 people pleasuring you
I think it’s fairly safe to say that I would clearly need to make four trips to this dungeon so that I could do all four. Or, alternatively I could do all four, one after the other in a single evening. If I really had to choose though, I’d have three people pleasuring me simultaneously. Truth be told, I have actually done all of these in such a venue.

2. If you selected #4 in the last question, tell us how you are pleasured?
It kind of depends on the make-up of the participants, but there would be lots of licking, kissing and caressing involved. If one of the participants was a woman, I’d love to be eating her out, savouring the taste of her cunt as I have both my cunt and my arse stuffed full of cock. If I’m being pleasured by three men, well the solution is pretty obvious. How they decide who gets to fuck which hole, I’ll leave entirely up to them

3. Bind, blind, tease. Write a 50-word story and include those 3 words.
Blind; the cloth over my eyes prevents me from seeing. Motionless; the rope used to bind my wrists and ankles holds me in place, biting my skin. They tease me with anticipation; not knowing who will do what. The tension build, my pulse quickens. And then, at last, they begin…

4. Sex Doll play: The ‘doll’ is the human version of an inflatable sex doll. The ‘doll’ must lie completely still on a bed and let their partner have at it. The partner is free to control the doll’s body and movements, and do what they please. Which will you be–the doll or the doll-master? Why?
Kind of goes without saying that as a submissive, I’d be the “doll” and Master C would be in charge. Again, like the first question, it’s something that we actually do after a fashion. I will be required to be still and silent, and endure whatever Master C chooses to do to me. The sting, of course, is that their are forfeits for each time He deems that I fail. There is also always a reward at the end, however, dependent on how well I have managed to comply.

#TMITuesday

Walking on air

First, the rope goes taut, as the slack is taken up, then it begins to tighten. The rough weave presses into the skin of my neck, squeezing tighter until the limiter is reached. Master C smiles at me, giving me a few moments to contemplate my circumstances, before he continues..

Another turn of the handle. My heels rise and I balance on the balls of my feet. The rope digs in. It’s uncomfortable, but I can breath.

Master C walks over to me. He puts a hand between my thighs, slides His middle finger between my labia. I squirm; my toes struggling for purchase on the raised blocks beneath them. His finger slides up inside me; I’m amazed at how easily it enters me, how wet I am. Master C skips His finger from my cunt and presses it to my mouth. “Taste yourself!” He demands, “Taste how much you are enjoying this.”

I comply, savouring the rich flavour of my essence on His finger. Master C is right; despite the discomfort, despite the difficulty to breath, I am enjoying this most exquisite form or torture.

He returns to the handle. Another couple of ratchet clicks; I am pulled imperceptibly higher. Stood, as I am, feet apart on blocks, my toes barely maintain contact. If one leg goes, if one foot loses that most tenuous of holds with the block beneath it, the other will inevitably follow. The rope cannot go any tighter, but still it digs in as it takes more of my weight.

Another click, and yet another. Somehow, I don’t know how, I maintain contact. Again Master C smiles; again He approaches me. The anticipation builds; becomes unbearable.

He touches me. The gentlest of contacts, almost as if a butterfly caressed my clit. That touch is my undoing. I flinch. As I flinch, my left foot breaks contact with the block beneath it. Unbalanced, my right foot is pulled from the dubious support of its block. My feet come together, scant inches above the ground, but above it they are; there is air between me and the safety of the floor.

The rope digs in as I hang there, pressing against the front of my neck, putting pressure on my windpipe. I can breath, but only just as my feet sway above the ground, like a pendulum.

Mere seconds passed, before Master C lowered me to safety. Seconds that seemed like an eternity as I hung there, suspended, helpless, entirely at the mercy of gravity, dependent on the limiter to prevent the rope from tightening fully.

The relief as the rope was loosened was almost orgasmic; the euphoric intensity of that first, deep, unrestricted breath was as intense as any climactic release. Master C held me tight as, with racing heart and almost hyperventilating, my body shook.

Later, Master C skilfully brought me to climax with His tongue; then lay back and let me ride Him with a carefree abandon until I came again and He unloaded inside me.

All in all, it was a hugely intense experience. I suspect I’m going to need to wear a scarf or polo-neck for the next few days though.

Giving

The thought to consider on No True Way this week is:

“Submission is a gift“

I’ll be honest and admit that I’ve never actually thought of my submission in such a way before. To me, submission is more a kind of formal acknowledgement of my role (and responsibilities) within the relationship Master C and I share. In a way, now that I consider it, I can see where the idea comes from.

My submission is something that I freely offered to Master C, and something that He chose to accept. In choosing to submit to Him, I offer Him my services and my body to use as He deems appropriate.

I have mentioned before that my submission isn’t a one-way way thing; both of us have responsibilities towards each other. In that respect, Master C’s Domination is as much a gift to me as my submission is a gift to Him. Even beyond the D/s dynamic, or relationship is built on us giving freely of ourselves to each other individually and to “us” as a couple. Similarly, we both take what we need from our relationship as well. We both support and care for each other, we both attend to each other’s needs and desires. For us, D/s is a framework that underpins our relationship. Again, as I have discussed, even when we are not actively undertaking anything sex, kink, or D/s related, e.g. when we are both at work or, at the other extreme, when we are both asleep, I am still His submissive and Master C is still my Dominant.

In a way, the “gift” isn’t actually my submission, because my submissiveness is merely part of my nature and makes me who I am; the “gift” I give Master C is, essentially, me and everything I bring to our relationship. The same is equally true in the opposite direction; the greatest gift Master C gives me is, quite simply, Himself. We give ourselves to each other equally, freely and without reservation and, in doping so, we create something that is greater than our individual selves.

Degrees of punishment

In the Kink of the Week introduction, Molly talks about the separation of “punishment and faux-punishment aka funishment into two separate topics”. Now, I kind of see the distinction, but I’m not so sure it’s quite as clear cut as that.

So, when we talk about “funishment”, I suspect we are looking at the “Oh, look what I did tee hee, I’ve been ever such a bad girl and need to be spanked, tee hee” somewhat reminiscent of a 1970’s Carry On film, or saucy seaside postcard type scenario, whereupon the submissive finds themselves across their Dominant’s knee and get their arse (bare or otherwise) playfully swatted before being admonished with a “don’t let me catch you doing that again, young lady” kind of scenario (please note I am writing this from the perspective of me being the one getting their arse tanned, please use your own identity descriptors where relevant).

I will admit, I regularly engineer situations that result in me ending up in just that position, i.e. bare arsed, over Master C’s knee and getting my arse cheeks turned a rosy red by whichever means He deems fit. Now, yes, this is intended as fun; I enjoy being spanked, but Master C will only ever dispense discipline, even in “fun” situations, if I give Him a genuine reason to do so. It’s one of His things, but He will never hurt me without there being a reason for it being necessary, so if I want to feel His hand or belt, or some other implement on my arse, I have to do something to merit it, however playfully intended it may be.

Effectively, what this means is that even when done primarily in a fun way, in the context of our relationship and our dynamic, they are still punishments, albeit minor ones for minor infringements. Further, knowing my tolerance for and enjoyment of pain, Master C doesn’t hold back when delivering admonishment in these cases. He may not reduce me to tears, but my arse will definitely sting after any form of corporal punishment He applies.

But this brings us to the crux of the matter. I’ve mentioned this before, but within the context of our dynamic, we tend to speak less of punishments and more of consequences. Transgressions on my part require me at accept the consequences of my actions, and those consequences and the level and method of discipline are determined to be appropriate to the scale of my misdemeanour.

By way of example, simple disobedience on my part may, depending on what I’ve done, result in a spanking, or the punishment may be that I am not permitted to come for a particular period. Sometimes the orgasm deprivation is made worse by the fact that, rather than edging me Himself, Master C will instruct me to essentially edge myself and deprive myself of orgasm.

Another example may be that misbehaving with a member of our sharing circle might result in some form of humiliation, e.g. being required to wear Master C’s, or some other member of the group’s cum on my face while performing services for our guests, or it could result in me being bound to a chair in the corner and having to watch, but not participate in a group activity.

Meeting up with “The Other Guy” without first informing Master C may earn me a moderate thrashing with His belt, sucking off and/or fucking one or more random guys on a night out is more likely to earn me a caning.

We don’t have a fixed tariff of punishments, and it is always the case that, as a rule, unless I have displeased Him beyond measure, I will always be required to suggest what I believe an appropriate degree of sanction will be. Master C may agree with my assessment, or He may not. If He does not, His own assessment may mean a harsher or more lenient level of correction than the one I initially proposed. For my very worst transgressions, the ultimate sanction is, of course, the cage.

The point of all this is that, for us, punishment is never simply arbitrary; I am not going to get thrashed mercilessly for not bringing Master C a cup of coffee in a timely manner. Similarly, being involved in a drunken threesome with two complete strangers is never just going to earn me a gentle paddling of my backside. For us, discipline/punishment has to be, to a degree, transactional; there has to be a degree of appropriateness where the punishment is befitting of the behaviour being punished.

The problem lies in the fact that, ultimately, I never actually learn my lesson. At a very deep level, I not only enjoy the kiss of Master C’s belt, the caress of the flogger or the bite of the cane, I yearn for it. For me, even the harshest form of discipline is itself a form of funishment; which ultimately makes it impossible for me to truly separate the two.

Suspended

Sometimes, I like to take things to extremes. Sometimes I like to go that little bit further, have things turn that bit darker. This was one of those occasions.

The suspension frame is something that Master C and I use fairly frequently. Most often, I will be gagged, my nipples will be clamped, my wrists will be cuffed and the hook will be fastened around the cuffs. Master C will then slowly turn the handle until my hands are pulled above my head. He will keep turning as it begins to pull my arms tighter. My heels lift from the ground, then the balls of my feet, and then, finally, my toes will break what little contact the had with the floor, and I am hanging freely above the ground.

At this point, it isn’t uncommon for Master C to apply the flogger liberally to my back and buttocks. The combination of pain in my arms, taking my weight, and the pain from being soundly flogged is a heady mix and Master C expertly draws the scenario out, maximising my pain, my discomfort and, ultimately, my enjoyment, before bringing me safely down, only to be tied to His “workbench” and fucked soundly.

On other occasions the cuffs will be around my ankles, my wrists bound tightly to my thighs. Master C raises me, suspending me upside down until my face is level with His groin. At this point, He takes my head in His hands and fucks me firmly in the mouth, making me cough and splutter, my saliva trickling down my cheeks, up my nose and into my eyes.

He fucks me roughly, then, just at the end, He pulls out and sends His load over my neck and face, where it mixes with the saliva from my mouth, making a delightfully degrading mess.

This time, however, we did something different. We did something that I’ve been fantasising about for some time and finally was brave enough to try.

On my knees before him, Master C commands me to suck Him off. I do so diligently, paying close attention to His instructions, changing my pace, moving my attention to the head, sucking harder then more slowly. I comply with His every command and am rewarded with a thick load of cum to savour then swallow.

Then it begins.

The clamps are applied to my nipples and tightened as far as they can go. Pain shoots through me, but it’s a pain we both know I can endure. My wrists are hog-tied to my thighs. The thick cords of the rope dig into my skin. Master C lifts my hair and tightens my collar a couple of stays. Not so tight that I can’t breath, but tight enough that it digs uncomfortably into the skin of my neck. He kisses me, gives my arse a playful swat and leads me to the frame.

There are no cuffs this time; I am not being raised by my wrists nor by my ankles.

“Ready?” He asks.

I nod.

“You know the signals?”

Again, I nod.

“OK then,” He says.

Master C slowly feeds the hook of the suspension cord under my collar before clipping it back on itself. He walks towards the winding handle. I manage a nervous smile as He begins to turn it.

It seems like an age passes as the slack is taken up but then I feel the slight tug of resistance. I feel a pull against my neck as the cord goes taut and starts to pull.

I close my eyes and breathe deeply. My feet begin to raise, slowly. Master C watches me intently as He turns the handle, watching for any sign that He needs to stop.

I’m on the tips of my toes; still in contact with the ground, but only just. My collar digs into my neck. A rush of anticipation shoots through me.

Suddenly I’m free; there is air between my feet and the ground. The leather of my collar bites into my neck as I am suspended by it. Master C, having locked the handle, walks towards me, flogger in hand.

Dangling, I squirm as He fingers my cunt. I’m surprised by how wet I am. My neck aches, but soon a now, stronger pain engulfs me as the fingers of the flogger caress my arse.

Six lashes; that was what we’d agreed before embarking on this. After every lash, Master C would check to see how I was before delivering the next. The tightness of the collar around my neck prevented me from giving full voice to the pain as the flogger bit my arse cheeks.

Tears ran down my cheeks as Master C flogged me. Despite my predicament, my cunt was incredibly wet. When, after the final caress of the flogger, Master C touched my clit with the buzzing head of my wand, I came instantly; legs kicking and flailing wildly, increasing the pressure on my neck.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Master C lowered me to the ground. I was still coming as He bent me over and fucked me hard, His hand gripping my collar and pulling my head back sharply as He drove His cock into me with long, hard strokes of His wonderful cock until He released inside me.

It was, an intense experience. Watching back the video He made of it turned me on intensely. There was something about watching myself, essentially strung up by the neck, helpless as Master C tortured me, my legs kicking wildly in the air in the aftermath of my climax, that ticks an awful lot of my “Fuck yeah!” boxes. Having done it once, it is definitely something I want to do again. A part of me wants to have the cord itself around my neck, but that is possibly something that will stay firmly in the realm of fantasy, for now at least.

TMI Tuesday – Consider Sex

1. Do you consider your sex to be “conventional”? Why or why not?
   What is conventional? Also, what do you mean by “my sex”? Is it the sex I am, or the sex I engage in? If it’s the former, I am cis and female; which, I guess, is pretty conventional. I am, however, also the submissive partner in a D/s relationship and I fuck men and women, so I’m possibly not that “conventional” after all. If it’s the latter, well, Master C and I do what we do. We are the D/s dynamic I referred to above, we are also a poly couple. I am allowed to have casual sexual encounters so long as I accept the consequences of my actions. That is our “convention”. Everybody has their own thing, their own conventions. If our relationship is viewed from a vanilla, cis-hetero-normative, monogamous lens, then it is anything but “conventional”, but it is what works for us.
    
2. Gender Identity – How do you describe yourself? (Mark one answer)
   • Male
   • Female
   • Trans Male/Trans Man
   • Trans Female/Trans Woman
   • Genderqueer/Gender Nonconforming
   • Different Identity

   I’m sure that it surprises no one at all that I describe myself as being a female (and a woman).
    

3. Sexual Orientation – Are you exclusively?
   • Heterosexual
   • Gay
   • Lesbian
   • Bisexual
   • None of the above, specify if you wish

   Is it possible to be exclusively bisexual? Again, anyone who reads this blog knows that I enjoy sex with men and women and that in addition to Master C, I have a regular partner who is a man, “The Other Guy” and a regular partner who is a woman, “The Girl”. Master C and I both belong to a poly “sharing circle” within which I have sex with other men and women (for what it’s worth, Master C, only has sex with women). By “dictionary definition” I am bisexual; but, as I have said many times, I prefer simply to refer to myself as sexual (along with submissive and slut).
    

4. Is understanding the causes and effects, and the formation of gender stereotypes important?
   I think it is. Only by understanding them can you really challenge them and their underlying causes. 

Bonus: Your thoughts on this – “I’m in a committed relationship, and it feels like asking for consent every time we have sex is overkill – is that wrong?”
This feels like one of those “minefield” questions, and I guess everyone will have their own particular take on it. Within the context of my relationship with Master C, we operate under what might be described as a “negotiated implied consent” arrangement. What that means in practice is that we have pretty much agreed that anything goes and is permitted but, that at any point, either of us can withdraw consent to any particular activity. In practice, by way of example, Master C does not need to ask if He can fuck me in the arse, but if I really don’t want to be fucked in the arse, I can make it “off limits”.  On a particular occasion, I might not want my throat to be fucked, but I’m quite happy to suck His cock, so consent for the former is withdrawn, but consent for the latter remains in place and is very happily applied. We have our own particular ways for me to indicate that something is a “no” and, due to the fact I may not always be able to communicate this vocally, this includes non-verbal signals as well.

It’s also worth noting that within the D/s dynamic, I may often ask Master C if I can do something, e.g. “Would Sir like me to suck His cock?” or I might ask Him to do something to me, e.g. “Would my Master like to fuck me in the arse?” or “Would Sir care to eat my cunt?” These are active confirmations of my consent for Master C to do those things to me, but they are also an opportunity for Him to refuse.

All couples will have their own approaches to this, so there is no one size fits all answer that will work for everyone. What is important is that it is understood that consent can be withdrawn by either party, for any act, at any time and for any reason and that if it is, it must always be respected .

His orgasm

The topic under discussion on No True Way this week is:

“It is a submissive’s responsibility to make sure the dominant (always) reaches orgasm.“

Now, I’ve touched on responsibilities before, and my view is that both the Dominant and the submissive have responsibilities to each other; how these responsibilities are discharged in practice will, naturally, depend very much on the nature of the D/s dynamic that is in place.

When it comes to Master C’s orgasm, I tend to disagree with the above. That isn’t to say that the statement is wrong, per se, it’s just that it doesn’t fit with how we do things.

Now, granted, there will be times when the task (and therefore the responsibility) of bringing Master C will be mine. For example, when I am giving Him a blow-job. In such a case, I am using my mouth (and, possibly hands) to excite and arouse Him, to pleasure Him and, when the time is right, to provide for His release. Ultimately, in this situation, when Master C comes, it is entirely down to me and what I have done. The only thing Master C has needed to do is to be there, sit/lie back, and have His cock sucked; everything else is down to me. It’s probably one of my most frequent “tasks” and it is one that I always apply myself to diligently, and with relish. Having my mouth filled with Master C’s hot, thick cum is a reward I will never tire of working to achieve.

In pretty much any other circumstance, however, Master C’s orgasm pretty much takes care of itself. When He fucks me, He will come. My responsibility, as much as it can be described as one, is merely to provide the means by which Master C achieves orgasm. My responsibility is to be at His disposal should He desire to use my body fir His gratification and satisfaction. My mouth/throat, my cunt and my arse are, to all intents and purposes, the tools that Master C employs to bring Himself to climax; I am there to be used. Does being is to use as He deems appropriate make me in any way responsible for the outcome of that use? Not actively, I believe. After all, if He weren’t fucking me, Master C could be fucking one of the other women in our sharing circle and the end result, i.e. His orgasm, would still be achieved.

And that, I suppose, is another factor to consider; the fact that, in being non-monogamous, I am not always involved in Master C’s orgasms. Granted, within our circle, the other women are, to a greater or lesser degree, submissive, but none of them are His submissive; I am Master C’s submissive.

Perversely, rather than me always being responsible for Master ‘s orgasm, within our particular dynamic, He is largely responsible for mine. Not entirely so, of course; I am generally free to masturbate (unless under specific instruction not to), and I have my other partners who also make me come, but when it comes to sex with Master C, I largely put my orgasm in His hands (or His mouth) and allow Him to determine not only when, but if I am permitted to come.

Dynamics are, of course, individual. This is how it works for us, but it is entirely possible that in other dynamics, the responsibility for the ensuring the Dominant partner comes, rests with the submissive and forms part of their duties towards the Dominant partner. Intellectually, I can see how this might work, but it isn’t the way our dynamic operates, and, you know what, that suits us just fine.

The perfect Friday evening

I’m on my knees. Master C’s lovely thick cock fills my cunt with deep hard strokes. Each thrust drives me forward, forcing more of Geoff’s cock into my mouth. Master C’s hands are on my hips; Geoff’s hands are on my shoulders. Their pushing and pulling is perfectly in sync, their thrusting cocks filling my cunt and mouth as they share me.

It’s the culmination; the final phase of something that started this morning when Master C sent me a text telling me we would have a “guest” this evening. It was the fulfilment of a day spent in delicious anticipation of what would happen, what was now happening. It had been a day spent with ben-wa balls in my cunt, and clamps around my nipples, heightening my arousal, but under the strictest instructions not to come.

When Master C got home from work, I thanked Him in advance for what was to come with a blow-job. It was relaxed, unhurried and I savoured the experience of sucking Him as much as He enjoyed being sucked. My cunt was soaked with arousal and anticipation by the time I swallowed down His thick warm load.

With the balls and clamps removed, I put on the lingerie that Master C had chosen for me to wear, covering it with my favourite silk kimono.

When Geoff arrived, I was required to play the perfect hostess, serving drinks and nibbles while he and Master C made small talk that occasionally touched on the important subject of what they would do to me. My anticipation and frustration were at unbearable levels when, finally, Master C beckoned me to join them.

I was in ecstasy as I allowed them to remove my kimono. I trembled as two pairs of strong hands explored my body. My bra was removed and I found myself with a mouth around each nipple. After so much anticipation and frustration, I almost came just from that simple attention.

I allowed myself to be positioned on the edge of the sofa. Geoff positioned himself between my legs, pulled the gusset of my knickers aside and began to lick. Master C reached over from behind the sofa, kissed my neck and began to play with my nipples. As He did so He whispered instructions not to come in my ear.

Time passed…

Master C and Geoff swapped places.

More time passed; they swapped again.

Every nerve in my body screamed with the need for release, but Master C did not give me permission.

My whimpers of frustration became moans. My moans coalesced into words. “Please!” I begged, “Please let me come.”

Finally Master C relented. “You may come for us now,” he said softly. My release was immediate. The air was filled with a deep moan that was torn from my mouth as Geoff’s tongue continued to flick of my clit, as Master C’s fingers tweaked and twisted my nipples. My climax tore through me. Wave after wave of orgasmic energy shook me as my cunt and womb contracted violently.

They stopped. I felt myself being lifted from the sofa, positioned on all fours. Geoff’s cock was in front of my mouth and I felt Master C slide effortlessly into me from behind. I opened my mouth and Geoff slid his cock between my lips and, in that moment, the tables turned; instead of providing for my pleasure, they were now taking theirs from me, fucking me in their chosen hole, using me like the filthy, depraved slut that I am.

In and out, over and over, their cocks filled and refilled my cunt and throat; the intensity building with each stroke.

“Filthy slut!”

“Dirty whore!”

The words sounded like insults but were really compliments, testament to my willingness to fuck and be fucked, to be used.

Master C pulled out. “Time to give my slut what she really wants,” He said.

Geoff also stopped.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Master C enquired, “Put a condom on him and get on his dick!”

Geoff lay back and I did as I was instructed to do. I slowly lowered myself on to him, aware of those slight differences that distinguished his cock from Master C’s. As I began to slide up and down, I knew what was coming. It was no surprise when I felt the cold lube being applied to my arsehole. Master C had, of course been correct; He knew exactly what I wanted; something that I’ve been craving for so long. His fingers worked the lube into my back passage and then, slowly, He pushed His cock into me.

At this point, let me, for the record, state that I have no idea how men work out how this next bit works; all I know is that from where I’m sitting, with a cock filling each hole, it feels fucking amazing.

Master C grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled my head back roughly as He fucked me in the arse. Geoff tormented my nipples with his fingers and teeth as he fucked me in the cunt from below. Between them, I was being fucked in the most depraved and slutty way possible and I was loving every second of it.

I came hard with their cocks inside me. My release was loud, as befitting the depravity of my actions, as their cocks filled me.

The fucked me until their own climaxes became inevitable. Master C pulled out first. He commanded me to dismount and adopt a kneeling position. Geoff stood up and removed the condom. Both he and Master C stood before me, stroking their cocks. “My slut deserves a cum bath,” Master C said, “A suitably filthy ending for a filthy slut.” I closed my eyes and smiled. Two men standing over me, about to paint me with their loads was exactly what I wanted and exactly what I deserved.

Geoff came first; his cum taking me square across my forehead and down my left cheek Master C followed a few seconds later, painting the other side of my face. Their cum trickled down my face and dripped on to my boobs. As a reward, I was permitted to clean Geoff’s cock with my mouth.

Afterwards, still naked, and with their cum now dried on to my skin, I resumed my duties as hostess before Master C ate me to another shuddering climax followed by Geoff fucking me again before going home.

It goes without saying that my depraved and wanton sluttiness earned my arse a sound thrashing from Master C’s belt before the evening was finally over and we retired to bed, but the evening had been worth every kiss of the leather on my buttocks.

As Friday evenings go, I can’t think of a better way to enjoy one.

Definition

The poser set by Quote Quest this week is all about definitions.

“I am the sole author of the dictionary that defines me.”

– Zadie Smith

It is interesting, to me at least, as there are so many words I would use to define myself:

• Advocate
• Bisexual
• Brat
• Carer
• Cock-sucker
• Counsellor
• Filthy
• Insatiable
• Masochist
• Nympho
• Partner
• Promiscuous
• Sexual
• Slut
• Submissive
• Voracious

The above is not exhaustive, by any means, but it takes account my professional, personal and private lives, and I identify as and with all of the above.

It is fair to say that to “defining me”, I am, to a greater or lesser degree, fully responsible for the above being attributable; I chose my career, and I chose to fully explore my sexuality as well as my sexual tastes and desires.

If you’ve read any of this blog, you will know that I am open about the fact that I am attracted to and have sex with men and women; you will know that I enjoy sex with multiple partners; you will know that I have, almost from the beginning of my sexual journey, enjoyed casual sex with random partners; and you will, of course, know that I am submissive and that I submit to Master C.

None of these things have been forced upon me; they are all down to me making conscious choices. That’s not to say others haven’t had input. My parents, my lecturers at university, my colleagues and superiors at work have helped me in the development of my career. The men and women I’ve fucked over the past 30+ years have assisted me in exploring my sexual self. My submission to Master C has, of course, given me a framework and freedom that has allowed me to continue to explore and grow.

While I may not have been the first person to assign the more derogatory terms above to myself, I chose to accept and embrace them, weaving them into my own narrative and making them part of my sexual identity.

I am extremely fortunate to be in a place in my life where, at work, I have a career that, while often hugely stressful and demanding, I take great satisfaction from and, at home (and not at home), I have the freedom to enjoy exploring me, and to indulge my passions and desires.

So where does D/s fit into all this?

Well, largely it is because Master C allows me the freedom, within parameters that we’ve worked out, to explore. Master C provides support, He nurtures and helps me grow, He guides and sometimes He corrects. What Master C does not do, however, is limit me. Again, this is because my submission is my choice; Master C did not force it upon me. I chose to offer it and He chose to accept it. While, in one sense, the application of the dynamic is His “responsibility” as the Dominant, the detail of the dynamic is something that we have developed between us. Ultimately we are the authors of the dictionaries of our lives, but we are the co-authors of the dictionary of our D/s dynamic and our life together.