- Do you consider your sex to be “conventional”? Why or why not?
What is conventional? Also, what do you mean by “my sex”? Is it the sex I am, or the sex I engage in? If it’s the former, I am cis and female; which, I guess, is pretty conventional. I am, however, also the submissive partner in a D/s relationship and I fuck men and women, so I’m possibly not that “conventional” after all. If it’s the latter, well, Master C and I do what we do. We are the D/s dynamic I referred to above, we are also a poly couple. I am allowed to have casual sexual encounters so long as I accept the consequences of my actions. That is our “convention”. Everybody has their own thing, their own conventions. If our relationship is viewed from a vanilla, cis-hetero-normative, monogamous lens, then it is anything but “conventional”, but it is what works for us.
- Gender Identity – How do you describe yourself? (Mark one answer)
- Trans Male/Trans Man
- Trans Female/Trans Woman
- Genderqueer/Gender Nonconforming
- Different Identity
I’m sure that it surprises no one at all that I describe myself as being a female (and a woman).
- Sexual Orientation – Are you exclusively?
- None of the above, specify if you wish
Is it possible to be exclusively bisexual? Again, anyone who reads this blog knows that I enjoy sex with men and women and that in addition to Master C, I have a regular partner who is a man, “The Other Guy” and a regular partner who is a woman, “The Girl”. Master C and I both belong to a poly “sharing circle” within which I have sex with other men and women (for what it’s worth, Master C, only has sex with women). By “dictionary definition” I am bisexual; but, as I have said many times, I prefer simply to refer to myself as sexual (along with submissive and slut).
Is understanding the causes and effects, and the formation of gender stereotypes important?
I think it is. Only by understanding them can you really challenge them and their underlying causes.
Bonus: Your thoughts on this – “I’m in a committed relationship, and it feels like asking for consent every time we have sex is overkill – is that wrong?”
This feels like one of those “minefield” questions, and I guess everyone will have their own particular take on it. Within the context of my relationship with Master C, we operate under what might be described as a “negotiated implied consent” arrangement. What that means in practice is that we have pretty much agreed that anything goes and is permitted but, that at any point, either of us can withdraw consent to any particular activity. In practice, by way of example, Master C does not need to ask if He can fuck me in the arse, but if I really don’t want to be fucked in the arse, I can make it “off limits”. On a particular occasion, I might not want my throat to be fucked, but I’m quite happy to suck His cock, so consent for the former is withdrawn, but consent for the latter remains in place and is very happily applied. We have our own particular ways for me to indicate that something is a “no” and, due to the fact I may not always be able to communicate this vocally, this includes non-verbal signals as well.
It’s also worth noting that within the D/s dynamic, I may often ask Master C if I can do something, e.g. “Would Sir like me to suck His cock?” or I might ask Him to do something to me, e.g. “Would my Master like to fuck me in the arse?” or “Would Sir care to eat my cunt?” These are active confirmations of my consent for Master C to do those things to me, but they are also an opportunity for Him to refuse.
All couples will have their own approaches to this, so there is no one size fits all answer that will work for everyone. What is important is that it is understood that consent can be withdrawn by either party, for any act, at any time and for any reason and that if it is, it must always be respected .