Foundations


In their 1999 track, “Affirmation”, the band Savage Garden wrote:

I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy

In a way, those words are central to my view of myself, and my relationship with Master C.

I make no bones about the fact that I consider myself to be bisexual. I am sexually attracted by both men and women. I’ve mentioned before that the first time another person brought me to orgasm, it was, quite literally, at the hands of another girl; “The Girl” to be precise. I won’t repeat the details as you can read them if you follow the link to that earlier post, but the point was, at no time did what I was doing with “The Girl” seem in any way wrong. Yes, as I alluded to in that earlier post, the nature of all-girls schooling being what it was, while no one wanted to be known as a virgin, no one particularly wanted to be openly branded as a slut (although we “sluts” were quite happy to compare slutiness notes and tips within our own friend circles). The only thing “worse” than being a slut was, almost inevitably, to be a “lez”.

Of course, by the time I left school at 18, I was no longer a virgin and had had a number of sexual partners, both male and female and, name-calling aside, it all felt good and right. Sex with male and female partners was different, and different partners did different things, but it was all sex and it was all about pleasure and it was all good (apart from the times where it wasn’t, but, sadly, bad sex happens sometimes; we all have had our disappointments somewhere). Never, at any point did I ever feel the need to pigeonhole myself into a category that potentially limited how I could enjoy myself and who I could enjoy myself with.

I was fortunate. I had a good relationship my mother where I could discuss sex and sexuality openly. And, while I didn’t give her a running tally of how many  partners I’d had, I was able to talk to her about the fact that I was attracted to, and had had sex with boys and girls. My mum’s advice was essentially, if fucking someone makes you happy, go ahead and fuck them (she didn’t use those exact words, but they convey her meaning). That, essentially, since the earliest days of sexual awakening has been central to my self-image and approach to my sex life.

So, that’s the first line of the quote dealt with, now on to the second…

At no time in our relationship have Master C or I been exclusive. When we first met, we were essentially fuck-buddies/friends-with-benefits and both of us had other arrangements in addition to what we shared with each other. When we became a couple, we agreed at the outset that, given our history, and the nature of our personalities (mine, I suspect, more so than Master C’s) that even attempting to be exclusive would be pointless. We both knew that even if we could do it, it almost certainly wouldn’t satisfy either of us , and, in the worst case scenario, could possibly drive an irreparable wedge between us.  The solution was, quite simply, total honesty. Even before we became what would now be recognised as D/s, there was still the requirement that we were both free to fuck anyone else, so long as we were always honest about it.

This isn’t to say that there weren’t jealousies and insecurities, because we are both human, but it allowed us to find something that worked and what would, ultimately, lay the foundation of our D/s dynamic. In a way, Master C telling me how much pleasure another woman had given Him would become a kind of punishment or a form of humiliation for me. Me admitting to my indiscretions and having to be disciplined in order to atone for them, would, of course bring corporal punishment into the mix. In a very real sense, our particular D/s dynamic evolved out of a recognition that, so long as we were emotionally “faithful” to each other by being open and honest, the “need” for monogamy disappeared.

This sin’t to say that other emotional attachments aren’t allowed. There is obviously a very strong emotional (as well as sexual) bond between “The Girl” and me that extends back more than a decade before I’d even met Master C. There is also a lesser, but still strong emotional attachment between “The Other Guy” and me as well. For His part, Master C  is very closely attached to one of the other women in our poly circle. The point is, that we know about this, and we are honest about these things, both with ourselves and with each other. While some of them may be friends, or perhaps a little more, the various sexual others in our lives are simply people we have sex with, either on our own, or together. None of those others, however, share a bond with us that is anything like the bond that Master C and I share. We are partners in every sense. If I’m allowed to be vomit-inducingly cringe-worthy for a second, we complete each other. Yes, we love, we fuck and sometimes we fight but, most importantly, we share, we confide, we support, we occasionally drive each other nuts, we argue and then we make up (and there’s almost always fucking involved). All of those are foundations of not just our D/s dynamic, but our relationship and our lives together, and they are all built on the bedrock of openess, honesty and trust.

Almost limitless


When it comes to sex, I’ve always had a fairly “anything goes” attitude. I’ve always been willing to try new things, I like to experiment, I like to have my boundaries pushed.

There is a difference, I think, between boundaries and limits. My boundaries have definitely expanded since I started on my sexual journey. My natural curiosity led me to try (and enjoy as it turned out) things like anal, sex with other women, group-sex, bondage, swinging, etc. I’ve had casual sex with both men and women, I get off on risky situations such as sex in fairly public place where there is a risk (to varying degrees) of getting caught. In my student days, I once even caught a night bus back from a club with a guy’s cum (albeit dried by the time the bus finally showed up) all over my face.

There is a thrill of trying new things, of experiencing new sensations in different circumstances. Far from being limits, my boundaries are simply things I haven’t tried. Some I have actively wanted to do, some I was less keen on trying, and some, up until I found myself doing them, I hadn’t even considered.

There are, however, a few things that I won’t do.

Anything involving scat/urine/blood is out.  While I have no problem (massive understatement) with anal, rimming is something I won’t do. Similarly, if a cock has been in my arse, even though a condom has been worn, it isn’t going anywhere else until it has had a bloody good wash.

One final thing: needles.  I have a pathological fear of them. I even have to get knocked out when I go to the dentist. So, they are an absolute no-no.

I don’t really have many limits, and those that I have are definitely hard, and, have remained constant from the very start.

Apart from those, as I said at the start, anything goes.

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A question of sexuality


Here is how the ever helpful Urban Dictionary defines bisexual:

bisexual /bʌɪˈsɛksjʊəl,-ʃʊəl/

A person capable of having physical, romantic, and sexual attraction attractions towards both sexes.

Now, aside from the small matter of the “both sexes” part of that definition, which is perhaps a debate for another day, since I admit to the fact that I am not only attracted to both men and women, but that I have also had sex with both men and women then I am, quite clearly, bisexual; right?

Well, yes and no…

What?

Well, OK, fair enough, in a strict dictionary sense of the word, I am a bisexual woman. The thing is, while I freely use the term as a convenient shorthand to describe my sexuality, that’s not really how I define myself.

It is generally accepted that an individual human’s sexual preference lies somewhere on a spectrum between 100% heterosexual and 100% homosexual.  Me, personally, I would put myself somewhere around 75% on the heterosexual side.

I’m going to be perfectly honest here and say I love cock; I have done since I sucked my first one at 14 and discarded my virginity at 15.  I love the way it feels in my cunt, I love the way it feels in my arse, I love to suck them and there’s nothing I love more than being taken thoroughly by a man; rough, hard, slow, tender, it depends on the mood and it’s all good.

But, at the same time, I am, and pretty much always have been, attracted to my own sex.  I love our soft curves and sexy bulges, I love boobs as much as any man does, I love burying my face between another woman’s thighs, tasting her juices as I feast on her cunt. For the record, the first person, apart from myself that is, to make me come, was another girl and, despite being blissfully happy in my relationship with Master C, I still have a regular “girlfriend” that I have sex with.

I should point out that, not only does Master C approve of this, He actively encourages it, and insists that I give Him a blow-by-blow (or should that be lick-by-lick) account of my extra-curricular activities with “The Girl”.

So yes, I enjoy fucking and being fucked by women; so, by that dictionary definition above, I am bisexual.

Truth be told, however, if you put a gun to my head and forced me to choose one over the other, and told me I could never have the other one again; in that scenario there would be no hesitation. As much as I enjoy cunt, I could not live without cock.  For me, cock is the cake, cunt is the icing; together they compliment each other, individually, icing alone is never going to be as satisfying as cake.

So where does that leave us in trying to “define” my sexuality?  Am I bisexual, or am I a straight woman who will sometimes forgo the meat and enjoy the vegetarian option instead?

I don’t like labels. Labels are used by narrow-minded people to try and stuff us into boxes that fit their way of thinking. And that’s fine, except it’s their definition and while it defines me to them, it doesn’t define me to myself.

Personally, the only way of describing myself that I am truly comfortable with is as a sexual human being.  I love sex, the gender of the person I’m having sex with doesn’t actually matter so long as I am having sex with the person my mood decides I want to be having sex with.

Another description is slut, but that pretty much goes without saying.

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