Focus


The current teaser on the ‘No True Way‘ site is:

Stop “trying” to be a good sub… because that’s focusing on “you”…
Focus on Him…
His needs, His wants, His desires…
And everything will fall into place

I must admit, that I have conflicting feelings on this subject.

On the one hand, I agree that part of submission, for me at least, is focussing on Master C and his needs, wants and desires. With this, there is an expectation that I will strive to be and do the best that I can in whatever I do, whether that involves a task He has set me, accepting His discipline or sucking His cock. I’ve alluded to this many times, but a major part of my submission to Master C is that He provides me with the instruction and guidance to be a better me. My submission to Master C isn’t just about serving Him and attending to His needs, it is about my own personal growth. When Master C encourages me, He is building me up, letting me know that I have done well. When Master C disciplines me, He is letting me know that I have, in some way, performed beneath myself and that He expects me to learn from this and do better.

The upshot is, that not only am I trying to be a good submissive, I am striving to be the best submissive I can be. And the reason I do this is because that is what Master C expects of me and, in doing so, I am addressing a need and desire in Him to help me.

The flip side of this is that my submission to Master C is centred around Him. In this sense, being a “good” submissive is all about focussing on His needs, wants and desires. It’s about providing Him with support, comfort and companionship. It’s about providing Him with forms of intimacy: the physical, emotional, intellectual, creative, experiential and, of course sexual. It’s about being someone for Him to love, but also someone to use and fuck; providing Him with outlets for that duality that resides in all of us, the tender, caring, unselfish love and the primal, primitive animal. It’s about giving Him reasons to discipline me and accepting such punishments in a way that He knows He is providing me with opportunities to grow. A lot of it is about sucking His cock.

For me, the primary focus of being a “good” submissive will always be about Master C, however that always reflects back on me. The ego cannot be switched off. I want to “serve” Master C and the ultimate reward for my “service” is for Him to call me His “good girl”.

In a way, for me at least, D/s is a kind of symbiotic relationship; I crave Master C’s  recognition of my “service” and that will always mean that I strive even harder to please Him and make Him proud of me. I need to attend to His needs, I want to be the outlet for His wants, I desire to provide for His desires. I am not directly focussing on me, but my sense of self-worth is inextricably bound up in my submission to Master C. That is a bond that cannot be severed and, even if it could, I wouldn’t want to.

Ultimately, both Master C and I expect me to not only be a good submissive, but to be the best version of myself that, with his guidance, support and direction, I can be.

4 thoughts on “Focus

  1. missy February 17, 2021 / 8:02 pm

    I agree with the fact that it is about growth of the submissive too and so there does have to be some focus on being the best version of yourself. Ideally that will come with guidance and encouragement and correction but I think it depends on the relationship how much independence there is to anticipate service and demonstrate your need etc. From my experience it works because you both keep each other’s needs, wants and desires as the focus but I have also found that I hold myself accountable and try to push myself to do, and be, better for him. An interesting post so thank you for sharing your thoughts. Missy x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mòrag February 18, 2021 / 9:04 am

    I think it’s interesting to really unpick a relationship and look at it as if I were on the outside. For it to work, I think it has to be about both partners and that those needs actually hold equal importance in terms of being satisfied. From the outside, D/s looks like the power/importance balance is weighted in favour of the Dominant partner but, as I say so often, a D/s relationship is, first and foremost, a relationship and a partnership, which means that, although expressed in different ways, the needs of both have equal weight in terms of having to be met.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. missy February 18, 2021 / 9:08 am

    Yes I have found the same. I think also when you live it as a lifestyle so it’s full time it is going to be different as you wear so many hats during your day. While you are always his submissive it’s hard to always be active in your submission so there is a large element for me in terms of working to make that transition. I have to be focussed on my own mindset so that I can do what I need to for him. Great to chat about this! x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Marie Rebelle February 18, 2021 / 5:26 pm

    I do believe that part of serving our Doms is to also focus on ourselves, on our own well-being, our needs, and voice them when necessary. In my opinion it’s all part of being a submissive and a way of taking care of ‘his property’.
    ~ Marie

    Like

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